Apparently, the FBI has gone batty.

FYI--The FBI just tried recruiting a UofM college student for spying on "vegan potlucks" during the upcoming RNC convention. Apparently, they can't have any non-meat eaters lurking around while they're engaging in the next wave of sex scandals.

Read about it here:

"Then we sat down and she flashes an FBI badge. Seeing my nerves they reassured me again that I was safe and not guilty of anything. Then for twenty minutes they flatter me about how my personality and appearance are perfect matches for what is required in some espionage dealio. They wanted me to crash vegan potluck parties and get into the inner circle of terrorists because supposedly terrorists are trusting and I’m “trusting, easy going, funny,” and a bunch of other flattery. Every time they said “vegan potluck” I chuckled, but their faces showed they weren’t kidding. They said “vegan potluck” half a dozen times. They really feared vegans and their violent conspiracies to blow up buildings in protest to the republican national convention."

Uh, FBI? Either you're taking orders from Elmer Fudd, or you're fucking incompetent. The terrorists you are supposed to be protecting us from are not pseudo-hippy trendy urbanites who've sworn off meat. Nor are they teenage misfits with spray paint.

They're gun nuts
They're religious fundamentalists
They're violent
They don't drink alcohol
They will die for their beliefs
They're probably Saudi Arabian
and they want hippy-dippy Americans like me dead.

You know, like the maniacs our president holds hands with.



Could you do your job correctly please? As far as I'm concerned, you haven't wiped the egg from your face for not listening to Coleen Rowley. Hasn't your public image been tarnished far enough? If you're looking for some inspiration, give Bob Dylan a listen. Particularly where he sings, "you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind is blowing."

Hey!!!! I've got a hot tip for you! Rush Limbaugh is trying to incite riots in Denver. You might want to check into that. Hey! Maybe I can help you. I'm a white guy--I'm trusting, easy going, and funny. (And I'm damn good looking too.) You can make me look rich, and I can infiltrate the exclusive clubs where the ultra-rich power brokers who fund Limbaugh and other fundamentalist wackjobs strategize the best way to devolve our country into a fundamentalist split economy robber barren-slave state. I'll let you know how they're doing it all. Hey--I might even come across a big oxycontin ring for you to blow open too.

Or, you could just open your ears & your eyes.