Saturday, October 14, 2006

I don't fit in very well in Miami.

I don't fit in very well in Miami.

-Don Shula is not a personal hero.
-I don't drive casually at speeds more easily measured in Mach than MPH.
-My skin does not make me look like a beige alligator.
-I don't cringe at the idea of *gasp* 40 degree Fahrenheit weather.
-I run.
-Shiny wheels are not on the top of my budget priority list.
-I generally arrive at work long before 9am.
-My colloquial spanish sucks. Mi espanol chupa culo.
-I ride a bike that doesn't have a coaster brake.
-I do not have greater than 50% of my car covered in chrome.
-I have no inclination to paint my house or place of business in pastel.
-Cuban food and my stomach get along like George W. Bush and Kim Jong Il.
-I like going to rock shows.
-I bead up with sweat when the weather is "nice".

There are 2 things that I really enjoy about Miami, however.

+Cuban Coffee leaves normal coffee in the dust.
+I am perpetually smitten over women with Cuban accents.


TSA employees are fucking morons.

I suppose it's easy to understand how these nimrods are standing where they are -- after 9/11, airports scrambled to get people to provide added security.

And guess who they got? America's finest unskilled, unemployed, poorly educated bottom feeders.

What kind of payscale do you expect to give a guy that's sole purpose is to look at your ID and match it to your boarding pass? What kind of person is attracted by a $9.00/hour job?

The kind of guy that jokes that TSA means "take stuff away", and makes anecdotes about how he can't believe the government actually pays him to tell people that they can't bring liquids or gels onto a plane. "3 ounces or less!"

If you really think so, then perhaps you should be telling your boss that your job is futile and that we shouldn't be wasting tax dollars like this. Perhaps you could make yourself useful and speed up that fucking metal detector line.

And guess what happens in the case that I give these knuckle draggers any lip? (Which they deserve) I get "transferred" to a different caste of security employee -- only this one wears camoflage and inspects your nose with the barrel of a submachine gun.

Anyone want to explain to me why he needs jungle camo in an airport?

This guy has been trained to shoot people. He's probably spend the last 3 years learning to stop thinking and take orders, and think faster than the hypothetical man trying to shoot him first from a leathernecked R. Lee Ermy-type shithead with a loud voice and a propensity to punch you in the gut and call you "Private Lizard Shit." What better job for this guy than walking around civilian crowds with a cannon that can spit out 35 9mm full metal jackets in 10 seconds?

Guess what happens when you give idiots authority? It's a perfect recipe for nincompoopery.

This type of power is perfect to people on the lowest echelon of the socio-economic foodchain. Of course, these people are dripping with insecurity--sometimes it's the fact that they're a recent immigrant, or poor, or ugly, or have a small dick, or obese, or most obviously, stupid.