Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Samsonite!? I was way off!!

So my Super Tuesday predictions weren't quite on. Here are some revelations:

1) Hillary took California 52%-42%, much to my surprise. One thing I forgot to consider was that many Californians had mailed in their votes weeks ahead--including many people who voted for John Edwards--4% worth. I can't think of anyone who would walk from the Edwards camp to the Hillary camp with the option of Obama.

2) Barack is trailing, but not by much. He took Minnesota, North Dakota, and....my precinct. He beat Hillary 204-57. As of this moment, Hillary leads 823-741 delegates--- marginally thin when you think about it.

3) John McCain pulled ahead!!!!! WTF?!?!?! This is crazy!!! Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Michael Savage, James Dobson, Bill Oh'Really?, (m)Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck -- the cornerstone of the Republican base -- has been deriding McCain all week, and he pulls ahead. Seriously, the core is trying HARD. This leads me to believe that Republicans ***drumroll*** are paying less and less attention to them. I'm not a religious man, but the idea of Rush & Bill Oh'Really? getting layed off and having to resort to living on welfare makes me feel happy.

4) America's knuckle dragging YECs stood with their man, Huckabee. (who looks like Kevin Spacey with a meth problem, no?) I made a fatal mistake here. I underestimated the power of....Chuck Norris. (Chuckabee?) Or God. Oh, wait. Huckabee is a far 3rd place. NEWS FLASH! God is trying to tell you something, Mike. Don't get it? Look down. There's a fork sticking out of you.

sidebar: Shit. Someone's already beat me to my next logical blog....Mike Huckabee & Chuck Norris Facts.

Fact: Chuck Norris is so corny that ethanol producers believe him to be a vast, untapped source of alternative energy.


5) A dickless shell of a man wrapped in a BOSS suit, Mitt Romney took $35,000,000 from his bank account, and set it on fire. When I see that guy, I think two things:

a) Giant Douche
b) "A fool and his money will soon be parted"

6) Perhaps I'm taking the horse before the cart, but the numbers of people caucusing are staggering--particularly in the bible belt. Georgia, Arkansas, and Missouri all went to George Bush in 2004. On Tuesday, the numbers voting for Barack and Hillary handily outnumbered those voting for the GOP's top 3 in these states. I suspect Ron Paul's voters will split about 50-50 to the democratic & republican candidates in November. Even Colorado -- with it's mega churches -- went handily blue. I suspect this is courtesy of continued reverberation from Ted Haggard, who just got ejaculated ejected from "restoration therapy."

2 comments:

Thinking it and making it happen said...

The dickless shell of a man wrapped in a BOSS suit(where do you come up with this shit, absolutely hilarious)did take ND, and on the other side - Obama did took ND. So you were right there.
Maybe this is just a pipe dream but,
I think most of the Ron Paul fans will go Dem. My prediction is: 50% will go Dem, 35% will go Repub, and 15% will write in Ron Paul whether he is on the ballet or not.

Thinking it and making it happen said...

did took -
Wow, apparently I was left behind...
I had changed what I originally wrote in that sentence and didn't proof read before I posted it - sorry.