Posers

So last week, while I was trying to get out to Salt Lake to get some skiing in, United Airlines put me on a last minute connection through Denver. I left my gate and hauled ass to my next flight, which would be boarding within about 15 minutes. I got to my gate in ample time, and ended seeing my plane-to-be deboarding.

The first dude that aimlessly stumbles out is dressed like he's going to some hair band theme party, spiky hair coming out of his doo-rag wrapped around his forehead, black leather pants, one of those (totally repressed homosexuality) vests, etc. He's carrying a guitar in a Fender gig bag. I'm thinking to myself -- I've got one of those -- my first electric guitar, a korean-made Squier (piece of crap) came in one of those.

Anyone who has an ounce of respect for his guitar will not carry them in this fabric sack. I wouldn't carry my guitars across the hall in something like that, nonetheless FLY with them in one.

All that information flashes through my head in an instant and I think -- this guy is a) putting on a really good act on the way to this aforementioned party, b) a cover band, or c) a total poser.

c it is, I thought. Even someone who's gone through this much trouble to dress up would have sense to furnish a decent case for his make-believe persona's beloved axe.

Three more dudes dressed much like like him step off the plane. I noticed that they were all kinda dazed, and probably a little too old to be dressed up so retardedly. This is sad. I thought. They've probably been dressing like this since 1985, and nobody's told them how pathetic they look, and they don't have the mental faculty to understand the concept of suicide.

A random dude walks past me and starts talking to these guys as they start kinda "whoa, dude"ing their way to wherever they think they're going.

Eventually they're gone, and the random guy walks up next to me, apparently also on my flight to SLC. The guy says to me "did you see that?" in a starstruck tone.

"Yeah, what cover band was that?"

"The L.A Guns"

Ha. That's a name I recognize. These are the guys that essentially split up to form Guns n' Roses. The first guy that walked past me was effectively superseded by Slash in the mid-80's.

My first instinct told me that they were pathetic douches. These guys, instead of retiring, blew every dime on coke back in the 80's, and have to tour today to make enough money to support their coke habit in 2008 US dollars. They're probably wearing the same clothes they were wearing in 1986. That's why they can't afford a decent guitar case--they're blowing all their cash on dust.....coke & makeup.

Some of you might say, "hey man, that's rock & roll" I say.......No. That's loserdom. Playing shithole semi-suburban bars in front of 65 people paying a $6 cover (but not attention to your performance) is a more sad demise than living off a Walmart greeter's salary at age 95. If they actually rocked, they'd a) still be snorting coke off groupies' tits in an LA mansion like Iggy Pop, b) have OD'd back in 1991 when Eddie & Kurt rendered their entire vapid genre obsolete, c) still be kicking ass in the present day like Henry Rollins.

God Damn. Henry Rollins is awesome.