Women suck at online dating.

I just had an awesome date where I sang a karaoke duet to "the humpty dance" at the Country bar.

Thank you, Internet.

On to my point. I'd just like to say a few things to women posting profiles on online dating services.

1) All women are looking for "a partner in crime"

Do me a favor and stop saying that shit. Puh-leeease. It's as stupid as it is cliché. Think back to high school/college, and your favorite "partner in crime." He was gay, wasn't he? I thought so.

2) All women want a funny guy.

You love to laugh? NO. FUCKING. WAY.

News Flash
a) There is not a person on this planet who does not like laughing. Even Dick Cheney.
b)All guys who are actually funny are huge dickless incompetents or slovenly creepasaurs.

Deep down, you actually want a guy with money, so go ahead tell the truth. Or, say that you want to date an asshole. I just know you want to date a guy that treats you like a piece of crap 99% of the time.....go ahead. Hey--It's O K . Just Be honest. That's the best policy.

3) I already know that sometimes you want to go out and get dressed up, and sometimes you want to stay in and watch TV.

Uh, me too. I'm also a fucking triathlete that climbs mountains in his spare time. That statement doesn't mean anything more than "I'm a normal American person." Be sure to mention if you're a slasher, or "I'll do anything for coke"....now that's something worth mentioning.

4) I already know that you're down-to earth.

Really, Gravity works on you too??? Holy shit! We have tons in common!

5) I already know that you're laid back.

Being laid back is tantamount to not being a crystal meth addict. Thanks for the clarification.