Hillary

I'm not really a Hillary fan--I'm pretty much hoping for some combination of an Obama/Edwards ticket, but I had an interesting 3:30am, red bull & vodka infused conversation with a guy at a party the other day. It did stay friendly, but it was definitely dynamic.

I've heard this before on the internets, but I've never met a real live person who believed this. He told me "that the only reason Hillary didn't divorce Bill is for her future (presidential) political ambitions. "

So lemme get this straight.....

The expectation of a Christian conservative would be for a faltering marriage to immediately dissolve? That seems wildly counterintuitive. I thought the foundation of Christianity was built on forgiveness, and that the "for better & for worse" part of the vows meant something.

I also seem to remember that Bill (Clinton) went to church frequently, AND in one instance I remember, he was videotaped on the front steps of his church while being jeered by some (conservative, I assume) holier than thou. Apparently "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" is not part of the lords prayer where he comes from.

And what is even more profound is the bile at which they spew this nonsense.

a)It sounds like to me that they are miffed that they can't monopolize fidelity & morals. The very idea that a liberal could hold a marriage together is horrifying to a conservative, a pure case of cognitive dissonance, so they make up ulterior motives for such "Strange" behavior. Stange behavior indeed, because this cheating & divorce happens to liberals. Conservatives NEVER get divorced, NEVER cheat on their spouses with hookers, and NEVER try to have sex with teenage boys.

I know that infidelity is prolific in the human condition. I can accept why it happens. I can't accept it to happen to me. Why "the sanctity of marriage is even something worth talking is about is only because conservatives keep blabbering about it. Real special those conservatives. So novel that they wouldn't want to be cheated on and lose their spouses.

b)It also sounds to me like a deep loathing for your(political) enemies, which is not what Christ tells us to do. He tells us to love our enemies, correct? So shouldn't good Christians be happy that Bill & Hillary saved their marriage? No. They were hoping that they would crash & burn in similar fashion to my secret desires for Britney. Except mine came true.

I tell you what conservatives. Do me a favor. If you REALLY want to protect marriage, put forth a bill in congress to make divorce in 99.99% of all cases illegal, with mandatory prison sentences. Have Mike Huckabee run on it. I'll sign it--just to see what ensues. Is it that a ridiculous idea? You shouldn't think so--God ordained, approved, and perhaps planned your marriage on your wedding day in his church. Why should it be legal to undo God's works? To interrupt his plan? How do you know the point of your life is not God's way to show other people not to rush into marriage? Show me how committed you are to him.

And the next part: How exactly does divorcing Bill destroy her ability to run for president? HMMMM?

If she divorced him, she could take all his money (which I'm sure you'd just loooove) and be labeled an even BIGGER ballbuster than the conservatives give her credit for. But she's not a ballbuster. She's a loving wife with a family,(and a spine) and conservatives can't attack a loving wife. So they brand her as a ballbusting dominatrix. That way, she's much easier to attack. Ironically, they're trying to make her into a liberal version of Ann Coulter, every republican man's daily infidelity against his wife.

In the end,
a) it's all sour grapes that you didn't get your way, and have an easier method to attack her.
b) you know that given the same situation, YOU wouldn't have a big enough heart to forgive your spouse. You'd divorce them. Hey--I might too. But there's no chance that you'll give her credit.

As Stephen Colbert put it......"the truth has a liberal bias."

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Later on, I added fuel to the fire by having the guy read Luke 17:20-21.

God repayed me by making me puke my guts out about an hour later.

Let Me Clear the Fog

I've had ENOUGH of this ridiculous "if we don't fight 'em there, we'll have to fight 'em here" logic.

This so called conventional wisdom flies in the face of common sense, so let me straighten it out. ESPECIALLY for all the "straight-shooters" out there.

In "The Fog of War", Robert McNamara, the longest standing Secretary of Defense in the history of the US, outlines the eleven lessons of his life. (He was a war strategist whiz-kid during WWII, the secretary of defense during the cuban missle crisis, and was SoD during administrations of both political parties)

His #1 lesson is: Empathize with your enemy.

We know at least a few things about our the terrorists we are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

1. They will attack civilians if they can.
2. They may be murderers, but they aren't stupid.

I have one question for all you who are so concerned that if the war ends in Iraq, we'll have to dodge bullets at the grocery store.
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Why would an terrorist in Iraq fight an armed American trooper when he could with much less risk to his own life, fly/boat to mexico, and waltz(or Mariachi with an Elephant) across our swiss cheese southern border, and attack American citizens?
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NEWS FLASH. THEY CAN DO THAT TODAY.

The idea that they will follow the Marines BACK to the US is wildly absurd. Why would they buy their plane tickets when our occupation ends? Wouldn't the easiest target be American civilians within our borders while 200,000+ soldiers are overseas?

If it WAS happening today, we'd definately hear Bush 43 talk about it in the same breaths as he does with his alleged foiled terrorist plots. But, border security has been pretty low on the Bush administration & Homeland Security's to-do list. (in fact, I'd like to see Homeland Security's to-do list. I bet all line items are "waste money on ridiculous shit.")

But this is not happening now, and it won't happen later. Insurgents in Iraq want control of their country. They are not interested in killing American civilians in America, because if they were they'd already be doing it. The war in Iraq will NOT be fought on US soil ever.

Unfortunately, McNamara's #2 lesson is that "Rationality will not save us." He'll be right unless you learn to think for yourselves.
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Postscript:
EarlG @ democraticunderground.com put it really well this morning.

"Essentially [this] rationale is that our troops are nothing more than human sacrifices on the altar of global terrorism. If we pull out of Iraq, the evil monsters will come to America and kill us all! Much better to feed them a steady diet of young American men and women in a faraway country that we don't really have to think about, right?"

Shooting

Usually, when a psychopath shoots down a bunch of people, the gun control people go nuts.

I agree and disagree with them.

Exhibit A: The second amendment in full text(as you never, ever, ever ,ever see it)

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Funny you never hear the whole thing in it's entirety, isn't it? I bet if you did, people might come to the conclusion that the people who wrote it were talking about keeping a well regulated military.

I'll digress for a second to say that I believe that you should have guns if you want them, but I'm talking strictly about hunting rifles. You all know I grew up on a farm, and I used to shoot all kinds of guns. What you probably don't know is that I grew pretty bored of them. That's another story.

However.

I do not believe handguns or assault rifles should be allowed to be owned by just anyone. Handguns and assault rifles have ONE SINGULAR PURPOSE! THAT IS TO KILL PEOPLE! KILLING PEOPLE IS AGAINST THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES AND YOUR GOD. Humans who have reasons or duties to kill other humans should be allowed to have them. Some of these people are also allowed to own/use flame throwers, land mines, bazookas, intercontinental ballistic missiles, F-14's Tomcats, and nuclear weapons.

Your arguements:
"We need to have guns that can compete with military so we can fight the government if it becomes a police state" Shut the fuck up. Rambo was a movie. You and your one M-16 and Glock won't stand 10 minutes against a police sniper, a tank, or a mortar shell. Step into the real world for a second, and use your vote to make sure the government doesn't end up that way.

"I need to protect my house" Really? 9 times out of 10, this comes from a suburbanite who lives nowhere near crime. But, I'll bet you have a job, and you're away from home 8 hours+ a day. Any criminal that wants to stay out of jail OR WHO KNOWS YOU HAVE A GUN, but still wants your shit will rob your house when you are away. News Flash: Confrontation is not something any burglar wants. Get an alarm, you nitwit.(or stay at home 24 hours with your trusty sidearm)

"Statistically, having a pool in your backyard is more dangerous than having a gun" Yes. You are right. But you're forgetting that most firearm crimes are committed with stolen guns. The guns YOU bought to protect your house, ironically. And another thing.....I hear about accidental shootings all the time. I NEVER hear about accidental stabbings. If you're so scared, get a knife.

Back to the beginning: The solution to the problem of psychopaths with guns:

drumroll.............

Get real help to people who are mentally ill before something bad happens.

Echoes of Youth

Holy Crap. I just found this.

Anyone remember Bob Ross?

You should. He was the guy that came on when Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and 3-2-1 Contact were over on PBS.

I was really pissy a few days ago until I discovered this. I was driving home anticipating some good food, when the powersteering goes out on my car. Then some guy won't let me merge onto I-394, who I ended up making mad too, after I totally flipped him off. (It was kindof satisfying to see him flail his arms in disbelief, now that I think about it.)

This guy is like the human equivalent of a few bong hits. You watch him, and in less than two minutes, you can feel mellowness throughout your entire body. You smile at his effortless happy little trees, and the clouds who live.....wherever you want them to.....maybe. And you know you're about to peak when he decides to "get a little crazy."

I think everyone should have at least one weekly dose of "the joy of painting." Although--if the republicans found out about it, they'd probably make it illegal.

There's really alot of people in this world that I'd like to slap.

A conservative co-worker(who I get along with) gave me an article on a book he wanted me to read. The book is by a guy named Mark Steyn, and he writes about the imminent Muslim invasion of America and the world.

In an excerpt from the book, he says, "You think Kurds and Arabs, Sunni and Shia are incompatible? What do you call a jurisdiction split between post-christian secular gay potheads and anti-whoring anti-sodomite anti-everything you dig Islamists? If Kurdistans an awkward fit in Iraq, how well does Pornostan fit in the Islamic republic of Holland?" Supposedly, this is LOL for conservatives.

Well, he does have a point. I will not get along with radical islam, although it is somewhat debatable on how much I identify his depiction of an American liberal.

Unfortunately he's missing something really, really important. I will not get along with islamic fundamentalists for the same reason I won't get along with contemporary conservatives in America. Let me re-iterate that.

You see, fundamentalist christians, I really think your lemon-lime flavored Kool-Aid sucks. And it's not because I hate lemon-lime. You see, I also hate islamic cherry flavored Kool-Aid. And mormon raspberry flavored Kool-Aid. I while I'm on the topic, I also think scientology Ecto Cooler flavored Hi-C tastes like shit too.

You see, I don't like all kinds of Kool-Aid. I like water, and Crystal Lite, and a diet Pepsi now & then. You all can show me all of your books about how great your flavor of Kool-Aid is, but I know it's all empty calories, and nothing to get serious about.

Hold on, I'm not done yet.

When you hear yourself saying "This is a Christian nation, the puritans came here to practice christianity in peace!", I hear you yelling "Shariah!, Shariah!, Allahu Ackbar!"

You wanna know why?

It's strange that contemporary American fundamentalist Christianity and radical Islam both:

+ are in favor of capital punishment
+ are in favor of criminalizing abortions.
+ don't want evolution taught in schools.
+ want to prevent gay marriage & ban gay rights (and some want them executed)
+ want the right to bear assault rifles
+ have leaders who talk directly God & Allah
+ are opposed to sexual freedom/liberation/expression
+ are opposed to birth control
+ are against stem cell research
+ support authoritarian goverance

Another thing these numbskulls are so concerned about is birthrate, which is apparently gargantuan in the middle east. Well, there's been many studies done that show that women who produce the most offspring are poorly educated. It's nice to see how well "abstinance only" policies work abroad.......much like they do here. Ok Ok, I'm spinning the issue. Andrew, all those islamic women are MARRIED. (because they usually stone women discovered having sex before marriage)

Back in ND we have a neighbor, who when asked at a cardgame when he & his wife were going to stop having kids, he replied, "when the good lord lets us know." Last I heard, they have 15 kids, and the last couple were retarded. Hey, at least they're married.

Mixture of cultures. Mr. Steyn bases alot of his points on the "fact" that islamic immigrants won't mix into America's melting pot. This sounds suspiciously much like the anti-irish (and anti-catholic) sentiment when the Irish were coming over in hordes. They were poor, dirty, drunk, and criminals--so there was great resistance to them in the big cities. The irish were the race that refused to jump into the melting pot. The "Know Nothing" party was formed.



That's why Tom & Nicole moved to Oklahoma.

This goofball also continues to rail the point that, as the population of middle eastern immigrants (a.k.a. "Islamicists") increases in the US and Europe(citing the average age of Italians, which is much older than the average age of the immigrants), that the world will devolve into medieval chaos and wretchedness. This dumbshit assumes that all of these immigrants is some type of jihadist, that they're going to come crashing into American cities as islam did on 9/11. Listen, people are coming here for the saaaaame reason they've been coming since 1776....a chance at a better life for themselves & their children. You wanna slow immigration into the US? Here's an idea-- fight poverty at it's source. Unfortunately nobody makes money fighting poverty; so far, we've only found ways to make money fighting.

Again, not like we haven't been paranoid before....the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor and all of sudden, we start rounding up 120,000 Japanese immigrants and putting them (and anyone who looks Japanese) in concentration camps on US soil. Ok, ok. We called them "internment camps." They were all getting their citizen degrees, and needed 6 months of experience making coffee for real American citizens before they could graduate.

Eat Dog Excrement , you Sphincter

Jennie's post struck a nerve in me, but not in the pro-life crap I see on the no man's land of I-94 . There is one particular billboard that bugs the piss out of me more than any other.

This is the one with the guy holding on to his chin while asking, "What if I swore less?"

What kind of people would spend money on shit like this?? Do you think if I stop saying "SHIT!" the concept of feces will disappear from this planet?

Or perhaps if I don't yell "FUCK!" when I'm pissed off or frustrated, your 8 year old won't know about intercourse until you're good & ready to tell them? (that is, the day before you send him/her off to college)

You're living in a dream world and are trying to hide from reality, where people express themselves. And, are trying to instigate some really sick anti-utopia where nobody exhibits emotion. That creepily reminds me 1984. You might want to try re-reading that.

And another thing. What if, instead of yelling "FUCK!", I yell "COITUS!" or" PENETRATION!"??? Would THAT make you happy? I doubt it. (That is, if you're literate enough to know what coitus means) They're perfect synonyms--there's nothing inherently bad about letters arranged to make sounds. Even when I yell "JESUS CHRIST!", "OH GOD!" and in the rare case "HOLY MOTHER MARY!" you treat that as an explicative too.

What then, is an explicative?

According to Merriam-Webster:
ex·pli·ca·tive
Pronunciation: ek-'spli-k&-tiv, 'ek-spl&-"kAt-
Function: adjective
: serving to explicate; specifically : serving to explain logically what is contained in the subject

Put simply--- it's all about the thought & the concept -- they simply don't want me expressing my emotion. Their message is to stay quiet, bow your head, don't disturb the peace, and be obedient.

FOR UNDER CARNAL KNOWLEDGE YOU!!!!!!! Your citizenship should be revoked for trying to suppress the freedom of speech. Try thinking for just a second, will you?