Up Nort at da Laake.

I had a great weekend in Northern MN at a cabin owned by my Grandfather's cousin's family. My grandfather and his cousin(who just passed last fall) were close, so my father, aunts & uncles, and their cousins spent many summers at this same place. I had been here before, but only as a toddler.

A reunion brought about 40 people together in this small cabin, although today, there are 4 other cabins owned by relatives on the same lake. It felt very strange to see adults who I have vague memories as a child show up as Grandparents, other kids instantly grown up -- and meeting their families and children.

One unfortunate thing is that this was only a weekend for EK and I, and most of the conversations ended up feeling like speed dating rather than wholesome conversations with people whom you share a great deal of DNA. I also, in this melee, missed talking with a few couple people I really have some great adoration for. Fortunately, they live fairly close. (Strange how that can still be a world away)

Anyways, dinner was served on Saturday evening by my Grandfather's cousin's wife -- who managed to cook for the group and still have energy to have lively conversation (one of the few wholesome conversations had) and play with the young (great-grand) kids. Not bad for 94 years old. It's something I genuinely hope for my life.

After everyone retired to their respective cabins, EK and I had the treat of sleeping in THE cabin. Small & spartan, but with 60 years of memories & tradition.

But before that, we walked out to the dock, laid down, made funny faces at each other, curled up, and watched the stars come out.


This is what is important.





This morning was another fantastic meal: mind blowing caramel rolls, quiche, egg bake, fresh fruit, and of course, coffee.

And then we drove home.

Lately...

I've been really busy. I took a darling girl out on valentine's day and she's all I can think about. For the purpose of pseudo anonymity, she'll be known as EK.

This weekend has been full, and a slice of what I've been up to.

Friday afternoon, we met up with her mother and saw a Swedish film called Ciao Bella, an indy romantic comedy about a nerdy teenage Iranian-Swede who gets a transformation when hooking up with an Italian soccer team in town.
Afterwards, we hit Spoon River and had a killer meal. I had steak and EK had an incredible vegetarian meal. She had the better meal. We had great conversation. I learned more about her, and found increasing similarity on life philosophy.

I ran 7 miles in the morning(while EK ran her Saturday morning ritual 13 miles with her sis-in-law), cleaned up & had a nap, hooked up with J-Mo, and went up to my sister's to see my new niece, Julia Faith, and parents who were in town. I completely abstained from anything but a glass of Shiraz, anticipating a good meal that evening with EK. (she'd been at a shower all afternoon)
We were able to get a seat a Lucia, and had an incredible seared tuna appetizer complete with delectable microgreens. I had some very OK chicken while she had cod and a "saffron fideos" which was also a 10/10.

We called it a night and woke up smiling at each other. We made plans for the day and made breakfast -- oatmeal (with all kinds of tasty nuts, dates, and maple syrup added), grapefruit, super strong coffee, and some cardamom coffee cake her mom made. We did some trip planning for Iceland (oh yeah... we're going to Iceland next month!)

After that, we followed through on our plans to get fitted for new running shoes, catch up with her sis-in-law at her studio @ the U, and saw Kautekino Rebellion -- an incredible film about an uprising that caused many Norwegians to move to Minnesota. We split back and spent some quality time together before she had book club, so I went to Target, Barnes & Noble, and the grocer before heading home.

I'm exhausted. And I can't wait to see her again.

I'm very happy.

One last kiss.

I finally got the "I want my shit back" call today after almost 2 weeks of no returned calls from Dr. Jenny

I knew the score, and I've already started moving on.

She told me that she's been too busy with work, and I know that is true, but only partially. She said that this was her first day off in 3 weeks, but it takes 2 minutes to make a phone call....even if you work a 16 hour day.

I'm obviously disappointed about this, but I did have a couple months of great times, and experienced that great phase of discovery and obsession/enamorment over a new girl. I've felt it a few times, and the thrill is second to nothing in life as far as I'm concerned. Except for the act of expressing that thrill with that person I suppose.

Unfortunately, this was a relationship that I knew in the back of my head wouldn't work. After date 3, she nearly crashed her BMW while driving with way too much alcohol in her. In recent time she's talked about going to rehab for her problem. She also was a complete spendthrift, a grown woman living off her mother's credit card and home. This is also not a component of a sustainable relationship. You'd think $200,000+ of school debt might change one's spending habits.

What makes me feel least savory about this was that I really took care of her. And she really needed someone to take care of her. I took her to nice places, I bought some nice things for her, and I took care of her and held her close when she was vulnerable. I made her laugh, and I made her feel the same way about me that I felt about her.

-------------

She just left a few minutes ago, and I held out my hand to shake. She gave me a peck instead.

I followed out the door, and in the hallway I told her, "If it's truly your time commitment...and things improve in the future....call me."

Without hesitation-- "A, you're an awesome person, but it's just not working." Her voice crackled.

I rubbed off her lip gloss.

My adventure continues........

Heart of the Lakes 2008 Race Report

I'll give you a lead up to the race before I tell you about it.

Friday:
-Chris Rock Show with the gf.
-Drinks out late downtown.

Saturday:
-Mimosas over breakfast at the gf's house
-Wine afterwards
-Big time drama with the gf
-Go out for Martinis to talk things over. We were sitting on the patio during a huge rainstorm and were engaged in conversation enough to stay in our seats through the whole thing.
-"Cheers" and we tip up the martinis
-Go to noodles & company. Thankfully I could drive. The gf was blasted beyond belief.
-Drive back to her place.
-Nap
-Lay in bed, nap.
-Woke up at 10:45pm, drive home, pack, to bed around 12:00

Sunday
The alarm went off at 4:30am, I ate 2 yogurts, and was out the door at 5:15. I commuted and had my transition setup by 6:30. As always, FAST registration.

Although HOLT advertises as "MN Championship Race," and perennially brings people with their "A" game, I planned to treat this as a B race, and I wanted to go really hard on the bike, and see what happens with my run.

Swim: The lake was very foggy. You couldn't even see the far buoys. My red tint goggles need to go. Orange-turned-White buoys are not easy to see against a fog. Focus on gliding and reaching worked well. Looking back to see the entire wave behind me on glass water was cool. Going around the buoys was vicious as I ran into the wave(s) in front of me. I was out of the water first in my age group.

T1: 2:13 A long run to transition, and a long run to the mount line.

Bike: 23.6mph avg. I just hammered--sweat dripping, gel choking, rumblestrip weaving, 100+ cadence, "on your left" yelling, head-down-in-the-aeros-up-hills, spin-out-the-downhills hammering. I've never biked faster, even during a flat out TT. I'll thank getting into the gym and lifting some cycling-specific weights this week. I'm going to be lifting once per week through the remainder of the season to build strength.

T2: 2:13 run allllll the way to the back of transition, put on socks, slip on shoes, run alllll the way back out.

Run: 6:57/mile I remembered this course vividly from last year--it's longer than the posted 5 miles. There was some long inclines, and I wanted to charge them hard. I took my first half mile at a moderate pace, pretty happy with how my legs felt, and chose a fairly hard pace, intending to see how far I could take it. I made it to the top of an incline around mile 3 running at an identical pace with a woman from an earlier wave. I figured that I'd just pace along with her, but I could tell she was NOT having someone (or probably just me) running next to her. As we passed mile 4, I dropped her. I looked at my HRM to see a heart rate of 174,which is way higher than I've dared to hold pace at in the past, and I'm thinking "Forget this B race garbage, I'm going fast." And then she passed me like a bullet with about 1/2 mile to go. I had nothing left in the tank to counter with, but was able to finish strong.

I've never ran faster. And this is by far my best run pace ever, and it's by alot. My run is really coming together. My best pace to date was last weekend at 7:14/mile, and last season I never cracked 7:30/mile. Strangely enough, I'm getting pretty bad shin splints. I've all but stopped running in the last 3 weeks, and will be resorting to biking to stay in shape after my last race this season.

I ran into my friend & fierce AG competitor Ben at the finish line, and we chatted for a while. His excuse for me beating him is lack of training due to his 2-month-old, and we headed over to the results printer. I was #1 in my age group, and Ben was 3rd! Later on, after non-chalantly telling everyone everyone I saw that I won my age group, a repost showed that I was in 2nd place (d'oh)behind some guy with no run or swim split, and a bike split slower than mine, but ahead of me by 6 minutes---knocking Ben off the podium. A double whammy for poor Ben.

66/460 overall
2/21 age group

I got a place on the podium and a little plastic trophy.

29

So now I've been around this thing 29 times.

Dr. J picked me up & took me out for a whatever-I-wanted to do night. That ended up being sushi and Green Goblin(green tea & ginseng) martinis at Origami, and then Wine & dessert a half block down the street from the flat.

We had more wine on the roof before calling it a night.

I was more than satisfied.

Lately....

Sorry for the bolus of posts, but I've had an interesting few weeks. I've started dating a new girl who I met on Match, and I've really been enjoying her company. If I haven't told you about her yet, you can probably guess what her name is.

This on top of training has left me with little time for internet. Which is good, because I spend way too much time online. So now I've replaced much internet time with drinking wine across the table from a smoking hot chick.

Needless to say, I'm really excited.

The cool thing is that we have a few differences that really compliment each other. We've met on fundamental levels, and I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's a case of opposites attracting, but we do seem to get along well despite not being "perfect matches."

Also, despite spending time with this new girl, I still have time to go out biking & whatnot. She works insane hours (80+/wk) -- an inherent trait of her profession, so she's usually getting done with work when I've finished working out. Convenient, no? I'm reminded of Aphrodite, who chose(as I was taught) Hephaestus(greek god of technology, metallurgy, and fire---i.e. me) because he worked late--allowing her to be with extramarital trysts. In this case--our lovers are work and bicycles, respectively.

Given my dating history, this is probably more than I should be writing this girl at this time. I'll stop here.

uh, later.

Edina: Where the wine flows like beer.

Another weeknight, another 3 bottles of wine between the two of us. Thankfully, we were eating a scrumptious pasta courtesy of Chris Carmichael, and we were not driving.

Today was another one of those days.

Women suck at online dating.

I just had an awesome date where I sang a karaoke duet to "the humpty dance" at the Country bar.

Thank you, Internet.

On to my point. I'd just like to say a few things to women posting profiles on online dating services.

1) All women are looking for "a partner in crime"

Do me a favor and stop saying that shit. Puh-leeease. It's as stupid as it is cliché. Think back to high school/college, and your favorite "partner in crime." He was gay, wasn't he? I thought so.

2) All women want a funny guy.

You love to laugh? NO. FUCKING. WAY.

News Flash
a) There is not a person on this planet who does not like laughing. Even Dick Cheney.
b)All guys who are actually funny are huge dickless incompetents or slovenly creepasaurs.

Deep down, you actually want a guy with money, so go ahead tell the truth. Or, say that you want to date an asshole. I just know you want to date a guy that treats you like a piece of crap 99% of the time.....go ahead. Hey--It's O K . Just Be honest. That's the best policy.

3) I already know that sometimes you want to go out and get dressed up, and sometimes you want to stay in and watch TV.

Uh, me too. I'm also a fucking triathlete that climbs mountains in his spare time. That statement doesn't mean anything more than "I'm a normal American person." Be sure to mention if you're a slasher, or "I'll do anything for coke"....now that's something worth mentioning.

4) I already know that you're down-to earth.

Really, Gravity works on you too??? Holy shit! We have tons in common!

5) I already know that you're laid back.

Being laid back is tantamount to not being a crystal meth addict. Thanks for the clarification.

Hillary

I'm not really a Hillary fan--I'm pretty much hoping for some combination of an Obama/Edwards ticket, but I had an interesting 3:30am, red bull & vodka infused conversation with a guy at a party the other day. It did stay friendly, but it was definitely dynamic.

I've heard this before on the internets, but I've never met a real live person who believed this. He told me "that the only reason Hillary didn't divorce Bill is for her future (presidential) political ambitions. "

So lemme get this straight.....

The expectation of a Christian conservative would be for a faltering marriage to immediately dissolve? That seems wildly counterintuitive. I thought the foundation of Christianity was built on forgiveness, and that the "for better & for worse" part of the vows meant something.

I also seem to remember that Bill (Clinton) went to church frequently, AND in one instance I remember, he was videotaped on the front steps of his church while being jeered by some (conservative, I assume) holier than thou. Apparently "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" is not part of the lords prayer where he comes from.

And what is even more profound is the bile at which they spew this nonsense.

a)It sounds like to me that they are miffed that they can't monopolize fidelity & morals. The very idea that a liberal could hold a marriage together is horrifying to a conservative, a pure case of cognitive dissonance, so they make up ulterior motives for such "Strange" behavior. Stange behavior indeed, because this cheating & divorce happens to liberals. Conservatives NEVER get divorced, NEVER cheat on their spouses with hookers, and NEVER try to have sex with teenage boys.

I know that infidelity is prolific in the human condition. I can accept why it happens. I can't accept it to happen to me. Why "the sanctity of marriage is even something worth talking is about is only because conservatives keep blabbering about it. Real special those conservatives. So novel that they wouldn't want to be cheated on and lose their spouses.

b)It also sounds to me like a deep loathing for your(political) enemies, which is not what Christ tells us to do. He tells us to love our enemies, correct? So shouldn't good Christians be happy that Bill & Hillary saved their marriage? No. They were hoping that they would crash & burn in similar fashion to my secret desires for Britney. Except mine came true.

I tell you what conservatives. Do me a favor. If you REALLY want to protect marriage, put forth a bill in congress to make divorce in 99.99% of all cases illegal, with mandatory prison sentences. Have Mike Huckabee run on it. I'll sign it--just to see what ensues. Is it that a ridiculous idea? You shouldn't think so--God ordained, approved, and perhaps planned your marriage on your wedding day in his church. Why should it be legal to undo God's works? To interrupt his plan? How do you know the point of your life is not God's way to show other people not to rush into marriage? Show me how committed you are to him.

And the next part: How exactly does divorcing Bill destroy her ability to run for president? HMMMM?

If she divorced him, she could take all his money (which I'm sure you'd just loooove) and be labeled an even BIGGER ballbuster than the conservatives give her credit for. But she's not a ballbuster. She's a loving wife with a family,(and a spine) and conservatives can't attack a loving wife. So they brand her as a ballbusting dominatrix. That way, she's much easier to attack. Ironically, they're trying to make her into a liberal version of Ann Coulter, every republican man's daily infidelity against his wife.

In the end,
a) it's all sour grapes that you didn't get your way, and have an easier method to attack her.
b) you know that given the same situation, YOU wouldn't have a big enough heart to forgive your spouse. You'd divorce them. Hey--I might too. But there's no chance that you'll give her credit.

As Stephen Colbert put it......"the truth has a liberal bias."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later on, I added fuel to the fire by having the guy read Luke 17:20-21.

God repayed me by making me puke my guts out about an hour later.

And the radioman says that women were a curse.

I'm back to not trusting my intuition. I wanted to jump in head first with this girl, but I know what a good relationship and a bad relationship should feel like. Something was not right, and I ignored it.

It turns out that one of my oldest friends helped make those cookies & Banana bread. Because he's been dating KM too.

In fact, unbeknownst to me, I'd been helping KM cheat on him since November 1. I don't see B very often, and no way was I going to bring her up with him, since they were close friends, and to my understanding, attempted to be more than that for a short time.

When she was off drinking with her volleyball buddies, she was with B. Or me. Depending on who she was telling it to. When I showed up to one of her volleyball games, the jig was up when I ran into D and started talking. He knew something I didn't know. 10 minutes after I left, I got a breakup text from KM. She still wanted to meet in person...this is where I got the treats.

Given our history, I wanted to take things very smoothly with this girl. I didn't press any issue, and take things delicately.

What really irks me is that I was dating several girls before she decided to cheat on B. I gave up potential relationships with at least 3 women. Before you make conclusions, I was not dating any of these girls seriously, but had the option to, and as casual as things were, I felt pretty rotten dating them because they were all really nice girls. But Yes. I gave up endless opportunity for what my emotions, probably driven by hormones, were telling me.

On hormones: I've been reading Sperm Wars, which is about evolutionary biology as it relates to human sexuality. Baker states that from the primal mind's perspective, it is best if a male can reproduce and trick another man into raising his offspring, so he can proliferate his genetic information as much as possible. The women's side of this is even more riveting . This is the impetus behind Sperm Wars, but I'll let you read it yourself. It's pretty wild stuff.

On Infidelity: Incidentally, there's tons of talk about infidelity in Sperm Wars, and how it is way more prolific that you might think it is, and why. I discussed this with KM all the time and KM seemed to eat this up. She even told me that she wanted to borrow my copy. You'd think that she might be torn up with guilt.

All contestants will recieve these lovely parting gifts.

At least she broke it to me while giving me cookies & banana bread she baked for me.

So yet another relationship down the hole. Funny how they always start with "you're an awesome guy, but...."

That actually means "I'm trying to keep you from making a big stink about this, and that might happen if I tell you flat out I don't think we're compatible."

I've always been a person to forgive and give people a second chance. Maybe that's a weakness to some, but it will be a strength when the times comes, and someone will appreciate that in me.
I'm really bothered by how history seems to repeat itself and I end up dating women twice. Before, that was a sign that I wasn't ready to commit, and a girl gave me a second chance. Now, it's me being the forgiver. I'm wondering if one of these days the third time will be a charm. Or perhaps....the first time?

In the mean time, I'm going to go out and kick some ass on the ski slopes.

Rollercoaster

I've been going up and down for weeks now. Athough today wasn't great, here's what I wrote to myself on Tuesday.

"Today I feel very strong, and very in control. My mood is sad, but confident in my ability . I'm on the verge of tears, but I feel like I can go through my feelings, yet simultaneously use my inner strength to be at peace. I'm not quite sure if these tears are from sadness, or joy, or faith. Maybe both.

I feel although times are more difficult than ever, I can focus on my being, measure my problems, solve them, improve, and become a better person. I'm very confident in my inner strength.

During times like these, I often find solace and strength in doing new things and improving myself. Take yourself to your point of failure, and recover stronger. Challenging your limits always makes your world bigger.

I think I've found the bottom! And now that I've stopped falling, I can see that I'm still alive, and I can see the way out!"

I hope to have more days like this.

Well, I feel a little better.

A good bike ride can burn frustration pretty quickly.


A good place to start, I suppose.

...

I feel like chewing broken glass.

Time for me to start taking my own advice.

Fear & Peace

I sit in one of the most screwed up relationship situations I've ever gotten into. This all started in a very innocent way, but I now stand to possibly lose the woman of my dreams to one of my best friends.

I'm going to go to bed after I'm done posting this and taken a shower(because I just went mountain biking & I'm filthy), but tonight I will sleep soundly.

Why?

Because I've learned some very important things about life and about relationships in the last year, and I simply know that everything will work out for the best.

I am not afraid, and therefore I am at peace.

It's strange how long one spends dealing with the great complexities of things. But once you find the answer and you look back, you realize that it's all extremely simple.

Clawing Myself Apart

I have come to the realization that I'm am OZ's Cowardly Lion.

I have the strength to do anything I want, but I've been too scared to take a risk.

I don't know who said it, but there lies a great deal of truth in this quote: "Falling in love is not for cowards."

As a child, I never understood that the articles that the Wizard gave the Lion, the Woodsman and the Scarecrow were only placebos. He tricked them into having faith in themselves.

I'm sick of being a coward. I'm ready to use my claws. I'm ready to take what I want. I'm ready to stop clawing myself.

MIA

So I really haven't blogged this summer at all. I've been pretty busy. I haven't stopped writing, but here's a list of highlights from the last 5 months:

+Fargo 1/2 Marathon
+Memorial day on Lake Calhoun AND Lake Minnetonka
+Indoor Triathlon (2nd place overall)
+Beerfest on Hennepin Avenue, followed by a stay-up-till-you-pass-out post-party.
+Liberty Triathlon
+Kayaking with Jen, got a total farmer's tan
+saw Chuck Klosterman
+Rode my bike 60 miles to watch a professional bike race
+Hiked 29 miles on the Superior Hiking Trail
+Impromptu salsa dancing with Jen at La Bodega.
+Went roadbiking in my wickedly hilly hometown
+Birthday Celebration at Red Dragon
+Lifetime Fitness Triathlon. averaged 22.6mph on my bike.
+saw Muse (!!!!!!!!!)
+saw Jolie Holland
+saw The Raconteurs
+attended a relative's 100th Birthday party
+Went mountain biking for the 1st time at Theo Wirth. On a $5000 bike. We had to fix a wheel.
+St. Paul Tri. (1:20/100m on the swim)
+Mountain Biking on the river flats. had to fix a wheel.
+Rode my bicycle south from Prescott, WI. Somewhere on the 45 mile ride, I hit 49.6mph.
+Read Chuck Palahnuik's "Choke"
+Spent 4 days camping & canoeing in the Boundary Waters.
+Got dressed in a tuxedo and watched my sister get married.
+Mountain biked the Maah Daah Hey in the Badlands of North Dakota. (saw 0 Bison, rattlesnakes, or cougars; somehow)
+Lake Minnetonka Triathlon. (7:39min/mile run)
+Mountain biked Murphy-Hanrehan. had to fix a wheel.
+Rollerbladed around calhoun 3 times & harriet once in 1 hour, 3 minutes.

Just try and tell me you had a better summer.

Things I've learned

Picking wildflowers and transporting them over 220 miles to a girl scores big points.

Intuition

I've never been able to trust my intuition, particularly when it comes to deciphering the difference between what people are saying and what they are thinking.

Early last week, I could tell I was not being told the entire truth, and I decided that the speech patterns, the non verbals, and the overall scent in the air were completely illusions fabricated in my head. Which is what I do 99 percent of the time when my instincts are trying to tell me something. It is certainly possible for intuition to be wrong, but I have a feeling now that I've been right way more often than I've been wrong.

I'm beginning to understand that I've always had a keen sense of all this, but I'm absolutely nonplussed by my reluctantance to accept the jumping-up-and-down observations of my subconscious/id. I guess the cognitive dissonance of knowing that someone you trust is not being candid with you is difficult to accept.

I think the silver lining to this is that I should have the common sense to trust myself before anyone else. So I'm gonna work on doing just that. Sad that I'm nearly 27 years old and figuring this shit out just now.

Nothing like clarity on a rainy day.

Fortune Cookie

I love fortune cookies. Well, I love fortunes from fortune cookies. My most prized fortune reads:

"You will never find a better sparring partner than adversity."