Andrew is......

Directions: Type "(your name) is" with the quotes, into a Google search then pick out your favorite 10 responses. Copy, then repost your responses:

1. Andrew is a loony · He hasn't slept in something like 48 hours now. He's a loony.

2. Andrew is one of the most coolest skateboarders in the world, He rocks.

3. now that mr.pants is gone, andrew is the funniest fucker alive. The ultimate
representation of beauty.

4.Andrew is considered to be the living Buddha and is treated that way by his constituents. I saw them collect $1000 for a vase to put flowers in for him. He owns a Volvo Turbo R sports car and other high priced things. He's an effete snob. He is waited on hand and foot like royalty by his students. He is fed like a king and they give him every wish. It's disgusting to watch.

5. Andrew is also serious about inventing and says he is continuously inspired, and at times, he claims to have seen his ideas materialise some years later. One such idea was a new design for an ice cube tray that allows you to release one cube at a time; which he says is now manufactured by a large company. His ideas are often laced with humour, for example, the "single-handed page turner for reading Playboy!"

6. Andrew is basically a perfect creature - he's an angel

7. Andrew is a would-be actor (he played a retarded quarterback on a made-for-cable movie)

8. Andrew is the musical equivalent of cotton candy: it's great to eat once in a while and tastes sugary-sweet going down, but you shouldn't eat too much of it, since it's all mostly fluff.

9. Andrew is quickly seduced by the power of evil...Andrew is introduced to us as a morally ambiguous ‘evil genius’

10. Andrew is all riled up, I suppose he's going to take his balls and go home.


I'm pretty sure ..3 is my favorite. It scores a 10 on the "what the fuck?" scale.

Eye Candy

I'm a very spacial thinker, which explains my infatuation with maps. Now, I'm sure that most of this obsession is rooted in the fact that I'm very poorly travelled. I have lived 13/50ths of a century, but have never crossed an ocean. Sad. So I compensate by exploring the world via paper drawings and daydreaming.

Road maps, Political/geographical maps, neighborhood maps, and even cardiovascular system diagrams; my world atlas is to my eyes what....well, boobs & hiked up skirts are to my eyes.

But now.....now, the ne plus ultra of all maps has arisen from the megalomaniacs at Google.com! MAPS.google.com. Realtime panning & zooming are only a mouseclick away! But this is no ordinary online roadmap like mapquest, et al. Not only can I get conveniently get directions from this pot of gold, but I can just as easily see a satellite photo! I can actually see where I want to go--but not necessarily across town. For the most part, the entire US & UK, and Japan have detailed satellite photos in addition to the roadmaps. And most of the world has satellite photos visible. I can see it all....on friday, I went to washington square park, Tokyo(ckeck out the road map), my parent's house, Sydney, South Beach, downtown Minny, Oslo, Venice, and my apartment, all from the comfort of my cubicle.

But wait! There's more. When I'm finished looking at every last obscure city, landmark, mountain range & nude beach on earth, I can now start all over on the moon! That's right. MOON.google.com

We've Lost Something

I see children everywhere. I speak specifically of the little kind -- the ones just learning to talk and walk. At the grocery store, the park, around my building. Not alone, of course, but do you ever notice something about them? They're way different than we are; like a different race it seems.

They're humanity in its rawest form. It can be easy for us to become ensnared in life's bullshit, to feel defeated, but I'm always filled with hope and exultance when little strangers say hi to me. Gaze at you for a second and then laugh at the top of their lungs. Or run over and hug your leg. And always smiling at you, at everyone.

It's how we humans were meant to be, you know.

...I am an Island

Email conversation from work today.

Me: Vlad, I found 10 wires for that will be acceptable for use in our gage study! Andy

My Russian co-worker: You are Rock. Thanks. Vlad.

18th

of 46 in my age group, according to the unofficial time sheet I saw.

The official results aren't completely updated yet, but hopefully there were more than 18 in my group who actually crossed the finish line, because my parents said there were a bunch of guys in my group who got into the middle of the lake, panicked, and were pulled out of the water.

I didn't see this happening, but I slammed into/inapropriately poked a ton of people in the murkiness of lake nokomis. Pretty gross, really, my goggles gave me visibility up to about 6 inches past my fingertips. I suppose I would've started panicking if I swallowed water like they were.

update: 18th of 55.

Bike Crash

So for anyone who cares to know my goings-ons, I'm participating in this Triathlon.

Anyway, I'm out training on my silly-expensive-racer bike after a swim (2 days til the event). Now I'm usually a meticulously cautious person, but tonight I was fearless, and kinda reckless. But not Wreck-less. (buh - dum - pssshhhhh)

I started out my ride by pulling onto a 4 lane street, right in front of a very large 70's cadillac, subconsciously assuming that the driver was paying attention and would pull into the other lane. Nope. He was on my ass within a few seconds, but he swerved past me on his way.

I get onto the bike trail, where there are no cars, and I start shooting gaps in top gear between rollerbladers and not-as-cool-as-me-bicyclists while tucked way down on my handlebars.

Now I'm on my way home, and I see the traffic light is blinking red, meaning everyone stops like a 4-way stop. There are two cars stopped: some lady taking a left turn on the right, and a dude in an Orange VW bug on the left. Again, I make one of those split second decisions---I'm fucking going! The lady hesitates in the middle of the intersection, thinking Mr. Bug has right of way as I fly past her.
I don't think she saw me until I flew past her bumper. The dude in the bug yells, "you got balls of steel" OK. maybe that's just what I heard. What came from his mouth was probably way different. But it's my story, and that's how it will go down in history, ok?

Ok. Where did I crash?

In the middle of my ride on the trail. Thoroughly aware that there is a sharp turn leading onto railroad crossing ahead of me, I hit the brakes at the last second. My back tire locks up, whipping out to the side, so I have to ease up on it---which means I'm not slowing down anymore, and I'm now aimed away from the railroad crossing---and am careering (not careening) to the railROAD.

Somehow my reflexes tell me to jump off the bike & lay it on it's side. The front tire hits the rail, and I land in the grass -- perfect dismount, stick the landing, wave to the judges.. o fuck o fuck o fuck...nevermind. The bike is fine. What?

I think to myself and wonder where I got the reflexes to pull that off, being that I haven't owned a bike for about 7 years. Not kidding. I remember back to the farm at age 9 riding my little BMX as fast as I can, locking the brakes and stopping sideways on the lawn, and my grandpa irate because I ripped up the lawn.

Ha. Who'da known that would be handy 16 years later? I'll hafta counter his "what the hell are you doing?" next time I see him.

I don't know what was wrong with me tonight, but I think there's a good reason my everyday cautiousness is written into my genetic code.

Mayfly

This morning I sat down at my desk to see a mayfly sitting on my monitor. Over the night, it had made it through 3 security levels only to end at my desk. Those things only live about 24 hours, so it probably spent half it's lifespan working its way up through my office, only to die here alone. Sad. Alot of PEOPLE will end up that way.