I've always resisted the urges to be "a collector." In college, I had a roommate who collected Coca Cola memorabilia, something I really didn't understand. Like all college freshmen, I collected beer bottle caps. Until I was 21, when I threw them all away.
Now I have 4 bikes, but you could hardly call that a collection. All have their own utility (road,tri/TT,track/fixie, and mountain), and I only need 2 more -- a cyclocross bike and a junker for bar crawls.
As an apartment dweller, I really fight my nesting instinct. I also don't like having shit - when I was in college, I enjoyed being able to put every single one of my belongings into my chevy sedan and go wherever I wanted--the freedom was liberating. I dream of having a loft with minimalist decor -- a couch, a chair, a desk, a bikes, a bookcase, a guitar, photos & art on the wall, and luscious swaths of empty space. When moving into my future dream home, I expect to have one huge ass rummage sale, a week off from work for ebaying, and many subsequent trips to the dumpster.
Tonight I went to REI to find a messenger bag replacement for my leather bookbag. I came home with a backpack and a laptop sleeve.
And I came to terms with the fact that I'm a total slut for backpacks.
They have so much UTILITY! I bought a backpack tonight because I could bring not just my laptop with me, but my laptop, my DSLR, some books, and a snack. Fuck messenger bags--I've got what I need. (except I need to exchange the laptop sleeve, it's too small)
So now, here's my collection thus far, in order of acquisition....
-a drawstring bag from a 1997 state swimmeet. Used frequently as a carry-on at airports, and a very low profile daypack while travelling. It rolls up very compactly into my bigger pack after I pick up my luggage.
-Old yellow Eddie Bauer schoolbag backpack. It's tattered, yet not ready to fall apart. Usually used as a gym bag
- a Wilson Leather messenger style bag. Its falling apart.
-a Camelbak, which is used frequently while mountainbiking, downhill skiing @ altitude, and XC skiing
- an extended trip internal frame REI Mars pack. Used for extended backpacking, and the only luggage I need for air travel.
- a mesh Pigman triathlon half ironman schwag bag. it' mesh, perfect for holding onto swim gear, since it breathes. No moldy swim trunks!
- an Ortovox ski mountaineering pack. I got it to replace the yellow EB pack, and for future backcountry skiing/summitting. It has loops for skis, ice axe, and crampons. Also works well for triathlons--Loops for my helmet and straps for the wetsuit. Suh -weet.
- an amphipod neoprene holster. Just big enough to hold keys, an ID, a few bucks, and clips inside your waistband - perfect for a quick run. Not technically a backpack, but awesome all the same.
- the latest. An Arc'teryx technical daypack. It will fit my laptop, my DSLR, a legal pad and some paperbacks(and probably more). It's extremely light, can hold a water bladder, and will work great for biking my camera & computer around town & probably on very long rides.Perfect.
Showing posts with label Biking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Biking. Show all posts
Friday, January 2, 2009
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sheesh
Since I really didn't have anything going on yesterday, I met up with my friend Mark(who crashed last year) for a semi-easy bike ride. Burnt out from racing, I figured it'd be nice to have a nice ride with friends and enjoy a good day. Hey, I had nothing better going on.
Another friend, MC is training for an Ironman, and we were going to ride with him for a while, get some coffee and let him go off for a while as we relax, and ride back with him. 60 miles, maybe....
Well, we met up in EP at a local pro triathlete's house, only to find that M left his helmet & shoes at home. So he borrowed both and we headed on our bikes to his place. On the way M got a flat, but he rode it 6 miles to his house. We took a nice loop out to the lake, stopped in Wayzata ffor that coffee. Then all of us headed west of along the lake towards St. Boni, and back. By the time we made it back into town, we had gone about 80 miles.
Hey....MC only has another hour.....lets make it 100! Uh....OK....can we get some gatorade?
A few miles past the gas station, my legs were talking to me. We swung by the uptown lakes, and back out to EP. My legs blew up a few miles away from my car, but I held out.
We finished just short of 100, 6hours 11minutes including the coffee & gatorade breaks.
Fuel Required:
1 medium iced coffee
1 strawberry odwalla
2 lemon lime gatorades
32 oz water
1 powerbar gel
1 large peanut butter cup blizzard (afterwards)
Show me a car that can get that kinda mileage.
Another friend, MC is training for an Ironman, and we were going to ride with him for a while, get some coffee and let him go off for a while as we relax, and ride back with him. 60 miles, maybe....
Well, we met up in EP at a local pro triathlete's house, only to find that M left his helmet & shoes at home. So he borrowed both and we headed on our bikes to his place. On the way M got a flat, but he rode it 6 miles to his house. We took a nice loop out to the lake, stopped in Wayzata ffor that coffee. Then all of us headed west of along the lake towards St. Boni, and back. By the time we made it back into town, we had gone about 80 miles.
Hey....MC only has another hour.....lets make it 100! Uh....OK....can we get some gatorade?
A few miles past the gas station, my legs were talking to me. We swung by the uptown lakes, and back out to EP. My legs blew up a few miles away from my car, but I held out.
We finished just short of 100, 6hours 11minutes including the coffee & gatorade breaks.
Fuel Required:
1 medium iced coffee
1 strawberry odwalla
2 lemon lime gatorades
32 oz water
1 powerbar gel
1 large peanut butter cup blizzard (afterwards)
Show me a car that can get that kinda mileage.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Cycling Heaven
So Dr. J has been completely unaccessible(due to work) for the last week -- I haven't even talked to her on the phone since Tuesday.
Not the worst thing, although this is the most time since we've been dating that we haven't talked.
With all this extra time -- I've been on my bike.
Wednesday: 29 hard miles with Gear. Great course & roads, but my friends on their TT bikes don't leave much of a draft.
Friday: 52 Miles on my Cervelo out to the West 'burbs. A few hard surges slipped in.
Saturday: 78 miles of masochistic bliss from Prescott to Stockholm & back.
South of Maiden Rock has some of the best roads I've ever biked on. It feels downhill in both directions, even if the wind is in your face.
And the view is spectacular.
On the way back, we had a tailwind. This intuitively is a good thing, but not when you consider that biking up a monster hill leaves you with no moving air to cool you off. My riding companion was continually turning around on the hills to get some wind in his face.
I became a sweat machine--I drank over 8 liters of gatorade & water during & immediately after the ride.
Today: 57 miles -- Sunday coffee ride + commuting to & from.
Hopefully I can rock out at my next tri this weekend.
Not the worst thing, although this is the most time since we've been dating that we haven't talked.
With all this extra time -- I've been on my bike.
Wednesday: 29 hard miles with Gear. Great course & roads, but my friends on their TT bikes don't leave much of a draft.
Friday: 52 Miles on my Cervelo out to the West 'burbs. A few hard surges slipped in.
Saturday: 78 miles of masochistic bliss from Prescott to Stockholm & back.
South of Maiden Rock has some of the best roads I've ever biked on. It feels downhill in both directions, even if the wind is in your face.
And the view is spectacular.
On the way back, we had a tailwind. This intuitively is a good thing, but not when you consider that biking up a monster hill leaves you with no moving air to cool you off. My riding companion was continually turning around on the hills to get some wind in his face.
I became a sweat machine--I drank over 8 liters of gatorade & water during & immediately after the ride.
Today: 57 miles -- Sunday coffee ride + commuting to & from.
Hopefully I can rock out at my next tri this weekend.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Half Time Wreck to Half Iron
So I went out on Thursday to meet up with some friends for Hunk's mini-bachelor party. I ran into the group full swing at Billy's and later we all headed over to the Half Time Rec. We all ended up splitting pitchers, and it started to get late -- but nothing a little Red Bull Vodka can't handle, right?
Anyways, everyone was kicking off around 1:15am, and the idea of getting White Castle was introduced to the group. It did indeed seem like a good idea. 15 minutes later, I'm driving home with 4 sliders and a sack of deepfried onion peely things. To stem your fear, I was perfectly fine to drive--I seem to be pretty good at taking alcohol in moderation when I have to get myself home....but I was hungry.
I got home and wolfed down the food, and finally hit the deck at around 2:45am.
Around 5:30am on Friday my first alarm clock went off, and I decided that I wanted to die. My stomach distended with undigested disgustingness on top of a headache and sleep deprivation is not my idea of a livable condition.
I walked to the bathroom and puked.
Then I took an extra half hour getting ready for work. The day was horrendous. I only wanted it to end, and I had like 30 things to do after work--I got home finally around 7pm & had time for a half hour nap. Fortunately, the last thing was to enjoy a traditional pre-race meal of bruschetta, since I was racing the Liberty Half Iron Triathlon the next morning.
I made it to bed at 10:30p, and was at Baker park by 6:30am.
-----------------------------------
The Race
Swim. 31:41 I found another swimmer to draft off early, and although he tried to shake me a couple times, I held for a good 2/3 of the swim course--and was able to avoid some amount of zigzagging.
T1 1:56. A little below par for the course, but I decided due to the short runout to a tight turn & big hill that I would just put my shoes on in transition rather than have to put my shoes on while on the bike.
Bike: 21.3mph avg.
I'd ridden the course a couple times, and went out knowing that I had to take the bike leg with some amount of ease--I haven't had a computer on my bike since my Garmin decided to play in traffic, and just relied on my gut and my HRM. The course was challenging and last 6 miles would be painful, and I needed to run 13 miles afterwards. The road out to Hamel gave a slight tailwind, so I gave a solid effort when I had the wind advantage.
My CX & MTB'er readers would have gotten a fuzzy warm feeling to see how I handled the loose gravel road construction at the turn to Hunter. I figured it would be finished by raceday, but it was worse! Anways, I rode through on both laps barely dusting the brakes and dodged all the Zipp-clad folks precariously rolling through at 4mph. Ha! I never knew my rock garden skillz would help in a tri....
I dropped my chain on a steep hill--user error :oops: . I lost about 30 seconds for a foolishly timed shift. Yes -- Even DA isn't idiot-proof.
By the second lap, my back was pretty sore--not enough time on my TT bike apparently. I'll also be using different Tri shorts for anything longer than an olympic. The chamois on the team LG shorts has no utility...It doesn't provide any padding...something my clydesdale-calibur heinie desperately needs.
T2: 1:31 Not bad considering I forgot to put out my salt tabs, and I had to dig through my bag to get them.
Run: 8:27/mile, 1:50.35 I was passed by about 5 people in the first mile of the run -- my legs didn't want to do anything more than a half-assed scamper. But once I got the gummy out of my legs, I picked a pace and held it. I used all the aid stations, but I only completely stopped at a couple to slam down 3-4 cups of HEED & water in rapid succession. I tried a coke at the last aid station -- banking on a boost of caffiene, but it just made me nauseous. I crossed under CR19 and up the last incline, and I didn't break stride--one little goal I had for the run.
Over the run leg, I was passed by tons of runners, but I did reel a few back, and in the last mile, I was passed. I heard another guy coming in behind me, and ran down the wildly steep woodchip trail in pursuit of the guy who had passed me. When I saw the finishline, I gave a 100% effort and passed him in the chute, and held off my pursuer.
Finish: 5:03:40
Overall 46/255
Agegroup 6/17
Perspective: In my 25-29 agegroup, there were 17 competitors. Next year, I'll move up to the 30-34AG which had 37 competitors. The 35-39AG had 46.
I'm surprised by how well the race went for me. Despite yammering to everyone about how I haven't been meeting my training volumes, prolific wine and martini consumption & late nights out with my super-awesome girlfriend, I handily knocked down my season goal time (5:10) for a half ironman distance race. This is a vast improvement over my Pigman Half last year (5:27)
Anyways, everyone was kicking off around 1:15am, and the idea of getting White Castle was introduced to the group. It did indeed seem like a good idea. 15 minutes later, I'm driving home with 4 sliders and a sack of deepfried onion peely things. To stem your fear, I was perfectly fine to drive--I seem to be pretty good at taking alcohol in moderation when I have to get myself home....but I was hungry.
I got home and wolfed down the food, and finally hit the deck at around 2:45am.
Around 5:30am on Friday my first alarm clock went off, and I decided that I wanted to die. My stomach distended with undigested disgustingness on top of a headache and sleep deprivation is not my idea of a livable condition.
I walked to the bathroom and puked.
Then I took an extra half hour getting ready for work. The day was horrendous. I only wanted it to end, and I had like 30 things to do after work--I got home finally around 7pm & had time for a half hour nap. Fortunately, the last thing was to enjoy a traditional pre-race meal of bruschetta, since I was racing the Liberty Half Iron Triathlon the next morning.
I made it to bed at 10:30p, and was at Baker park by 6:30am.
-----------------------------------
The Race
Swim. 31:41 I found another swimmer to draft off early, and although he tried to shake me a couple times, I held for a good 2/3 of the swim course--and was able to avoid some amount of zigzagging.
T1 1:56. A little below par for the course, but I decided due to the short runout to a tight turn & big hill that I would just put my shoes on in transition rather than have to put my shoes on while on the bike.
Bike: 21.3mph avg.
I'd ridden the course a couple times, and went out knowing that I had to take the bike leg with some amount of ease--I haven't had a computer on my bike since my Garmin decided to play in traffic, and just relied on my gut and my HRM. The course was challenging and last 6 miles would be painful, and I needed to run 13 miles afterwards. The road out to Hamel gave a slight tailwind, so I gave a solid effort when I had the wind advantage.
My CX & MTB'er readers would have gotten a fuzzy warm feeling to see how I handled the loose gravel road construction at the turn to Hunter. I figured it would be finished by raceday, but it was worse! Anways, I rode through on both laps barely dusting the brakes and dodged all the Zipp-clad folks precariously rolling through at 4mph. Ha! I never knew my rock garden skillz would help in a tri....
I dropped my chain on a steep hill--user error :oops: . I lost about 30 seconds for a foolishly timed shift. Yes -- Even DA isn't idiot-proof.
By the second lap, my back was pretty sore--not enough time on my TT bike apparently. I'll also be using different Tri shorts for anything longer than an olympic. The chamois on the team LG shorts has no utility...It doesn't provide any padding...something my clydesdale-calibur heinie desperately needs.
T2: 1:31 Not bad considering I forgot to put out my salt tabs, and I had to dig through my bag to get them.
Run: 8:27/mile, 1:50.35 I was passed by about 5 people in the first mile of the run -- my legs didn't want to do anything more than a half-assed scamper. But once I got the gummy out of my legs, I picked a pace and held it. I used all the aid stations, but I only completely stopped at a couple to slam down 3-4 cups of HEED & water in rapid succession. I tried a coke at the last aid station -- banking on a boost of caffiene, but it just made me nauseous. I crossed under CR19 and up the last incline, and I didn't break stride--one little goal I had for the run.
Over the run leg, I was passed by tons of runners, but I did reel a few back, and in the last mile, I was passed. I heard another guy coming in behind me, and ran down the wildly steep woodchip trail in pursuit of the guy who had passed me. When I saw the finishline, I gave a 100% effort and passed him in the chute, and held off my pursuer.
Finish: 5:03:40
Overall 46/255
Agegroup 6/17
Perspective: In my 25-29 agegroup, there were 17 competitors. Next year, I'll move up to the 30-34AG which had 37 competitors. The 35-39AG had 46.
I'm surprised by how well the race went for me. Despite yammering to everyone about how I haven't been meeting my training volumes, prolific wine and martini consumption & late nights out with my super-awesome girlfriend, I handily knocked down my season goal time (5:10) for a half ironman distance race. This is a vast improvement over my Pigman Half last year (5:27)
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Bismarck Tri Race Report.
I just finished my first race of the season.
It was a pretty small race since there's next to no tri scene in ND, but there was some pretty good competition available since the olympic distance was ND's best of the US qualifier. There were 11 olympic entrants and around 35 sprint entrants.
65F at the start. Partly cloudy with small sprinkly rain cells. Pretty bright when the sun was on you.
Swim.
course. The swim was in a marina off the Missouri River, which is damn cold runoff from MT's Rockies. I was surprised the water was 63 degrees.
I took my second swim ever in my new wetsuit, and it paid off, despite my incessant zigzagging on the course. I was shoulder to shoulder on the last 50meters with the woman who got the women's BOUS title later on. I completely forgot bodyglide, but I had no chafing from my '08 QR hydrofull.
~23 minutes for the 1.5km. 1:09min/100 according to the printout.
T1. Fast! I was second onto the bike course. ~30 seconds
Bike.
course: The oly bike was an out & back, and was half along the river flats, and half extending up into the Buttes lining the river. Decent road surface for the most part. Great ND scenery!
On the way out, I was flying--but the top woman screamed past me in a matter of minutes. I don't know how fast I was going since I don't have a computer on my Cervelo right now, but I was spinning out on my 53x11 going down some of the hills. I was met with 12-19mph headwinds at the turnaround, and saw about 4 cyclists within about 1/2 mile. It seemed like there was more uphill on the way back and that coupled with the wind was murder. I ended up gapping the other cyclists. 21.5 mph ave(I think)
T2. I struggled with my socks, so I was a little below par. ~1 minute
Run.
course:Flat as a pancake around the marina. Lots of big houses under construction. Should be really scenic in years to come.
I was hoping for a better time than I got since I've been doing more running than in the past, but I'm going to blame my time on a lack of training in the last few weeks coupled by a simultaneous abundance of red wine. The first mile was tough as usual, and I felt slow until I passed the second aid station, at which point 2 guys passed me. After I passed the turnaround, I pushed my pace after getting passed by a 3rd guy. There was alot of people cheering at the finish.
7:37min/mile. (the guy who won did 5:48/mile)
Finish
6/11 overall
2:23:??
1st in the 19-29 age group-- I got a coffee mug and a pair of socks!
Malfunctions:
My neck was shellacked with 50SPF, but I got cooked anyways. I thought my dork helmet might help prevent that, but I guess not.
Wardrobe. Despite fitting properly, my jersey's zipper compressed down under my wetsuit, and left a nice sore in the middle of my chest. I was also "adjusting" some "essential equipment" since my tri shorts aren't so comfortable, and I think I gave a cyclist going the opposite direction a "nice" view.
I hit one spot of roadpatch that must've been warmed pretty well, and my clydesdale heinie pushed the rear wheel into the tar. My frame cutout & rear brake are covered in tar. Looks great on a white bike. Or not. :(
It was a pretty small race since there's next to no tri scene in ND, but there was some pretty good competition available since the olympic distance was ND's best of the US qualifier. There were 11 olympic entrants and around 35 sprint entrants.
65F at the start. Partly cloudy with small sprinkly rain cells. Pretty bright when the sun was on you.
Swim.
course. The swim was in a marina off the Missouri River, which is damn cold runoff from MT's Rockies. I was surprised the water was 63 degrees.
I took my second swim ever in my new wetsuit, and it paid off, despite my incessant zigzagging on the course. I was shoulder to shoulder on the last 50meters with the woman who got the women's BOUS title later on. I completely forgot bodyglide, but I had no chafing from my '08 QR hydrofull.
~23 minutes for the 1.5km. 1:09min/100 according to the printout.
T1. Fast! I was second onto the bike course. ~30 seconds
Bike.
course: The oly bike was an out & back, and was half along the river flats, and half extending up into the Buttes lining the river. Decent road surface for the most part. Great ND scenery!
On the way out, I was flying--but the top woman screamed past me in a matter of minutes. I don't know how fast I was going since I don't have a computer on my Cervelo right now, but I was spinning out on my 53x11 going down some of the hills. I was met with 12-19mph headwinds at the turnaround, and saw about 4 cyclists within about 1/2 mile. It seemed like there was more uphill on the way back and that coupled with the wind was murder. I ended up gapping the other cyclists. 21.5 mph ave(I think)
T2. I struggled with my socks, so I was a little below par. ~1 minute
Run.
course:Flat as a pancake around the marina. Lots of big houses under construction. Should be really scenic in years to come.
I was hoping for a better time than I got since I've been doing more running than in the past, but I'm going to blame my time on a lack of training in the last few weeks coupled by a simultaneous abundance of red wine. The first mile was tough as usual, and I felt slow until I passed the second aid station, at which point 2 guys passed me. After I passed the turnaround, I pushed my pace after getting passed by a 3rd guy. There was alot of people cheering at the finish.
7:37min/mile. (the guy who won did 5:48/mile)
Finish
6/11 overall
2:23:??
1st in the 19-29 age group-- I got a coffee mug and a pair of socks!
Malfunctions:
My neck was shellacked with 50SPF, but I got cooked anyways. I thought my dork helmet might help prevent that, but I guess not.
Wardrobe. Despite fitting properly, my jersey's zipper compressed down under my wetsuit, and left a nice sore in the middle of my chest. I was also "adjusting" some "essential equipment" since my tri shorts aren't so comfortable, and I think I gave a cyclist going the opposite direction a "nice" view.
I hit one spot of roadpatch that must've been warmed pretty well, and my clydesdale heinie pushed the rear wheel into the tar. My frame cutout & rear brake are covered in tar. Looks great on a white bike. Or not. :(
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Rules of the Road for Cyclists
Nonessential Preface: So the (awesome) new girl I'm dating lives in this house near the river. I like riding my Trek & Cervelo along the river when I'm taking shorter "round the city" rides...but this morning, on our way to breakfast there was a trillion cyclists out on the river road and I wanted to puke at some of the antics.
Bike riders, Here are your new rules.
You can thank stupid cyclists for this post.
All Bicyclists
1. Wear a helmet. I don't care if you're Lance Armstrong, or you're barely rolling along on your hybrid.
2. Pay attention! All the time! Know where cars are, where other cyclists are, and what on the road will crash you. THIS SHOULD BE INTUITIVE.
3. Don't draft a stranger.(exception-during a road race) This is acutely rude. We are not on a bike team, we are not racing, I don't know you or trust you, and we aren't buddies. Get off my f*cking wheel.
4. Shave your goddamn legs or at least trim once in a while. Chewbacca legs say 2 things: a) You are a slow newb or you don't know what you're doing, b) Guh- roasss!
5. Don't ride with your knees pointed outward. It makes me want to slap you. (and it's going to blow out your cartilage)
6. Don't blow stop signs/stoplights where there's actually traffic. If I was a cop, I would ticket you.
7. Don't you dare try racing on a bike path.
Recreational Cyclists
If your 'road bike' has flat(straight) handlebars or has a suspension fork, and you nearly sit upright on your bike, this applies to you.
8.Bike paths were made specifically for you. Avoid riding on streets whenever you can. If you had somewhere to be, you wouldn't be on a hybrid now, would you? Seriously....I run faster than some of you.
9. Do not ride abreast on the street. Especially if its busy. Don't be surprised if a car hits you.
10. Pay attention to other cyclists and their speed relative to yours. Just because your bike doesn't break 15mph, doesn't mean that I won't be passing your at 35mph.
11. Don't you dare entertain the idea that you can keep up with traffic. Sorry for your bike envy, but that hybrid purchase is your fault, not mine.
12. I'm amazed by some of your egos. Your hybrid bike with the disc brakes, slick 26x1.75" tires, suspension fork, kickstand, platform pedals, and all the other shit you have hanging off of it is the object of my laughter behind your back.
13. I'm a nice guy, but don't try to talk bikes with a racer unless you know what 185bpm feels like.
Fixie/Singlespeed Hipsters & Messengers
14. Wear a Helmet! I say this again because I see you fuckers without them all the time. I don't care if your long snarly haircut gets messy. It looks like you have a large rodent on your head anyways.
15. Do not buzz pedestrians. I'm going to stick my elbow out next time you do this, and your non-helmeted head is going to splat on the pavement. You will look like roadkill.
16. Your fixed gear elitism/geared bike scoffing is stupid and the irony entailed is making me laugh under my breath. Are you serious? Don't kid yourself--I know riding a fixed gear is tough, but racers can pump out the same watts on fixies too. (hint: lots of us winter train on fixed gear spin bikes)
Triathletes
17. Do NOT draft while in your aeros--anyone, anywhere, anytime.(exception--TTT) Try it out if you want to know what it feels like to cartwheel your bike while your feet are clipped in.
18. Aero helmets are for racing ONLY. Wearing one at any other time makes you look like *literally and figuratively* a total douchenozzle to anyone on the planet except for those OCD triathletes who post on the slowtwitch forums.(exception--practicing your transitions early in the morning)
19. Tri tops & tri shorts are for racing or brick sets --that's it. Wear sleeved jerseys when you aren't going to be breaking into a run immediately afterwards. Sleeveless bike jerseys look creepy, (exception--you're a hot chick) and you're gonna look like a burn victim wrapped in bacon if you wipe out.
Roadies.
20. Stay off the bike paths unless you're taking it really easy. 20mph+ and/or pacelines and recreational cyclists is a recipe for a wreck.
21. Racing cars is total masturbation. Motorists don't give a shit about you or your bike. You won't make them appreciate you--they're probably too dumb to understand.
22. Get a normal jersey, will ya? Those Pink floyd/Zeppelin/Art jerseys say "too poor to buy a corvette during my mid-life crisis" like nothing else.
Mountain bikers:
23. If you look like delinquent teenage criminal, expect the cops to treat you like one. Lose the ear lobe plugs and nasal septum piercings.
24. Smoking Cigarettes says one thing: "I suck at riding bikes." Expect to be scoffed at as we all pwn you on the singletrack.
Commuters
Really, you guys aren't too bad. I have no beefs unless you fit into another category.
Bike riders, Here are your new rules.
You can thank stupid cyclists for this post.
All Bicyclists
1. Wear a helmet. I don't care if you're Lance Armstrong, or you're barely rolling along on your hybrid.
2. Pay attention! All the time! Know where cars are, where other cyclists are, and what on the road will crash you. THIS SHOULD BE INTUITIVE.
3. Don't draft a stranger.(exception-during a road race) This is acutely rude. We are not on a bike team, we are not racing, I don't know you or trust you, and we aren't buddies. Get off my f*cking wheel.
4. Shave your goddamn legs or at least trim once in a while. Chewbacca legs say 2 things: a) You are a slow newb or you don't know what you're doing, b) Guh- roasss!
5. Don't ride with your knees pointed outward. It makes me want to slap you. (and it's going to blow out your cartilage)
6. Don't blow stop signs/stoplights where there's actually traffic. If I was a cop, I would ticket you.
7. Don't you dare try racing on a bike path.
Recreational Cyclists
If your 'road bike' has flat(straight) handlebars or has a suspension fork, and you nearly sit upright on your bike, this applies to you.
8.Bike paths were made specifically for you. Avoid riding on streets whenever you can. If you had somewhere to be, you wouldn't be on a hybrid now, would you? Seriously....I run faster than some of you.
9. Do not ride abreast on the street. Especially if its busy. Don't be surprised if a car hits you.
10. Pay attention to other cyclists and their speed relative to yours. Just because your bike doesn't break 15mph, doesn't mean that I won't be passing your at 35mph.
11. Don't you dare entertain the idea that you can keep up with traffic. Sorry for your bike envy, but that hybrid purchase is your fault, not mine.
12. I'm amazed by some of your egos. Your hybrid bike with the disc brakes, slick 26x1.75" tires, suspension fork, kickstand, platform pedals, and all the other shit you have hanging off of it is the object of my laughter behind your back.
13. I'm a nice guy, but don't try to talk bikes with a racer unless you know what 185bpm feels like.
Fixie/Singlespeed Hipsters & Messengers
14. Wear a Helmet! I say this again because I see you fuckers without them all the time. I don't care if your long snarly haircut gets messy. It looks like you have a large rodent on your head anyways.
15. Do not buzz pedestrians. I'm going to stick my elbow out next time you do this, and your non-helmeted head is going to splat on the pavement. You will look like roadkill.
16. Your fixed gear elitism/geared bike scoffing is stupid and the irony entailed is making me laugh under my breath. Are you serious? Don't kid yourself--I know riding a fixed gear is tough, but racers can pump out the same watts on fixies too. (hint: lots of us winter train on fixed gear spin bikes)
Triathletes
17. Do NOT draft while in your aeros--anyone, anywhere, anytime.(exception--TTT) Try it out if you want to know what it feels like to cartwheel your bike while your feet are clipped in.
18. Aero helmets are for racing ONLY. Wearing one at any other time makes you look like *literally and figuratively* a total douchenozzle to anyone on the planet except for those OCD triathletes who post on the slowtwitch forums.(exception--practicing your transitions early in the morning)
19. Tri tops & tri shorts are for racing or brick sets --that's it. Wear sleeved jerseys when you aren't going to be breaking into a run immediately afterwards. Sleeveless bike jerseys look creepy, (exception--you're a hot chick) and you're gonna look like a burn victim wrapped in bacon if you wipe out.
Roadies.
20. Stay off the bike paths unless you're taking it really easy. 20mph+ and/or pacelines and recreational cyclists is a recipe for a wreck.
21. Racing cars is total masturbation. Motorists don't give a shit about you or your bike. You won't make them appreciate you--they're probably too dumb to understand.
22. Get a normal jersey, will ya? Those Pink floyd/Zeppelin/Art jerseys say "too poor to buy a corvette during my mid-life crisis" like nothing else.
Mountain bikers:
23. If you look like delinquent teenage criminal, expect the cops to treat you like one. Lose the ear lobe plugs and nasal septum piercings.
24. Smoking Cigarettes says one thing: "I suck at riding bikes." Expect to be scoffed at as we all pwn you on the singletrack.
Commuters
Really, you guys aren't too bad. I have no beefs unless you fit into another category.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Holy Crap this pissed me off.
Watch this.
I felt compelled to write, even though there were many well written pieces from cyclists covering many of my initial arguments. As a supplement, here's what I wrote.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple things that have not been touched on:
Miffed that cyclists don't pay taxes? You can thank your heavy vehicles(and sometimes frost) that we cyclists have to dodge potholes on 23mm wide tires. The rule of thumb that Civil Engineers used when designing roads is that damage is proportional to the vehicle's gross weight per axle, raised to 4th power. That means that even the heaviest cyclist accounts for a negligible amount of road wear in comparison to the lightest Honda Civic. Those of you who have heavy SUV's & such pay roughly the same in taxes that the civic driver does. What gives? Pay for your damage!
Also keep in mind that it is your right to ride a bicycle, while driving your beloved car/truck is a privilege. Even if you've bought a car, kept it in good maintenance, registered your vehicle in the state, purchased insurance, and have a driver's license, your ability to drive on the state's roadways can be taken from you by a court. None of those things listed above are required by MN statute 169.222 (except good maintenance), and I have never heard of someone ever getting their right to ride a bicycle taken from them (unless they've been killed)--with exception to those suggestions I've read here. I'm American and I love freedom. I have a right to ride a bicycle and I exercise it. Hey--try some freedom on and see how it fits. Free yourself from the gridlock!
I'm also human, and I make mistakes. My driver's ed instructor told me that a good driver makes a mistake about once a minute. Motorists, I've driven in rush hour traffic probably just as much as you have. I know how frustrating it is. You're tired, you're cranky, you just want to get home after a hard day of work, you just paid your $400 car payment, you just paid an arm & a leg for North Dakotan oil that somehow is $3.52/ gallon because of uprisings in Nigeria, and some jerk in another car cut you off. I'm sorry I was dodging a pothole and you had to slow down to 20mph.
I don't condone riding through stop signs/lights. I'd also argue that many people observed in this video are hardly serious cyclists. I noticed most of them wearing cotton and some wearing music players while riding--telltale signs of those who ride infrequently and thus have little experience and knowledge about how to be courteous on the road and responsible cyclists. Ticket them.
By the way, motorists, you should thank me. Every time I ride my bicycle, I'm one less car at the crosstown, I'm 2 less gallons of gas burnt (thus decreasing the demand and theoretically the price), I'm healthier and will statistically be less likely to consume heath care costs that the state or my employer would otherwise assume. I'm also happier--both because exercise promotes mental health, and I have a good excuse to enjoy a beer afterwards with friends.
I felt compelled to write, even though there were many well written pieces from cyclists covering many of my initial arguments. As a supplement, here's what I wrote.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple things that have not been touched on:
Miffed that cyclists don't pay taxes? You can thank your heavy vehicles(and sometimes frost) that we cyclists have to dodge potholes on 23mm wide tires. The rule of thumb that Civil Engineers used when designing roads is that damage is proportional to the vehicle's gross weight per axle, raised to 4th power. That means that even the heaviest cyclist accounts for a negligible amount of road wear in comparison to the lightest Honda Civic. Those of you who have heavy SUV's & such pay roughly the same in taxes that the civic driver does. What gives? Pay for your damage!
Also keep in mind that it is your right to ride a bicycle, while driving your beloved car/truck is a privilege. Even if you've bought a car, kept it in good maintenance, registered your vehicle in the state, purchased insurance, and have a driver's license, your ability to drive on the state's roadways can be taken from you by a court. None of those things listed above are required by MN statute 169.222 (except good maintenance), and I have never heard of someone ever getting their right to ride a bicycle taken from them (unless they've been killed)--with exception to those suggestions I've read here. I'm American and I love freedom. I have a right to ride a bicycle and I exercise it. Hey--try some freedom on and see how it fits. Free yourself from the gridlock!
I'm also human, and I make mistakes. My driver's ed instructor told me that a good driver makes a mistake about once a minute. Motorists, I've driven in rush hour traffic probably just as much as you have. I know how frustrating it is. You're tired, you're cranky, you just want to get home after a hard day of work, you just paid your $400 car payment, you just paid an arm & a leg for North Dakotan oil that somehow is $3.52/ gallon because of uprisings in Nigeria, and some jerk in another car cut you off. I'm sorry I was dodging a pothole and you had to slow down to 20mph.
I don't condone riding through stop signs/lights. I'd also argue that many people observed in this video are hardly serious cyclists. I noticed most of them wearing cotton and some wearing music players while riding--telltale signs of those who ride infrequently and thus have little experience and knowledge about how to be courteous on the road and responsible cyclists. Ticket them.
By the way, motorists, you should thank me. Every time I ride my bicycle, I'm one less car at the crosstown, I'm 2 less gallons of gas burnt (thus decreasing the demand and theoretically the price), I'm healthier and will statistically be less likely to consume heath care costs that the state or my employer would otherwise assume. I'm also happier--both because exercise promotes mental health, and I have a good excuse to enjoy a beer afterwards with friends.
Monday, April 21, 2008
4/20
So I'm out on a bike ride yesterday out by the lake and around mile 40 just east of Wayzata, I'm coasting down a hill toward a red light. I'm slowing down, a little winded from going up the other side. All of a sudden, I take a huge lungfull of potsmoke.
WTF? you're obviously asking. I would have been more surprised, but this has actually happened before.
I look to my left and, lo & behold, a ridiculous sky-blue Geo Tracker has pulled up next to me, windows down with two early-twenty-somethings giggling like hatters.
As they pass me, I notice the huge Dave Matthews Band sticker across the rear window. Figures....you do have to be to pretty high to appreciate the crap he's been putting out in the last 5 years.
WTF? you're obviously asking. I would have been more surprised, but this has actually happened before.
I look to my left and, lo & behold, a ridiculous sky-blue Geo Tracker has pulled up next to me, windows down with two early-twenty-somethings giggling like hatters.
As they pass me, I notice the huge Dave Matthews Band sticker across the rear window. Figures....you do have to be to pretty high to appreciate the crap he's been putting out in the last 5 years.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
New Favorite Beer.
This is the best stuff evar.
I've been a fan of fan of both locally produced & hoppy beers for quite some time. Usually, Summit (Maibock or Winter) is my choice for beers, but I've come across something that has angels singing in my ears.
First of all, is it a coincidence that there is a Twin Cities brewery that goes by Surly---and also a Twin Cities bicycle company called Surly bikes? I doubt it.
When I take my first sip of furious, I think hardcore cycling-- whether it's keeping it hipster-real across town on the fixie, an 80 mile hammer ride in spandex on your sleek road bike south of Prescott, or hanging out in the parking lot after 3 consecutive flawless loops in the XX at Lebanon hills, Surly Furious does not let you down on it's aggressive demeanor.
Really though--I think Furious can unite people across all spectrums. A true beer connoisseur will know that someone has paid attention to how this is crafted. There is subtleties & complexities in the flavor that you can read about on the can. There's also the hops. The hops really let you know they are there--like a suckerpunch in the nose. It's almost like drinking gravel, if drinking gravel was something you'd obsess about doing. The hops make me want to beat my chest like a caveman and watch NASCAR. (almost) But telling rural North Dakota rednecks, "Listen; I don't know, you might not be man enough for this," or " this might be a nice accompaniment to rare steak marinated in battery acid" are VALID statements.
Furious could quite possibly bring all walks of American culture together. Except Dick Cheney. That "come together" peace shit doesn't work with him.
Tuesday, May 9, 2006
Basic Bicycle Maintenance...
If you ever need a pedal wrench, don't buy one. I already did, and it was in a fit of rage.
I'll let you borrow mine.
A few weeks ago, I bought some new pedals & cycling shoes(the most expensive shoes I've EVER bought) and was VERY excited to take a ride with them on that very sunny & warm spring day ...
I carefully installed the cleats onto my shoes, and got out my toolset to take the old pedals off my bike. I grabbed my crescent wrench with my muscled arm in the same fashion my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather have been doing for the last 110 years.
I yanked. And yanked on that motherfucker until I rounded off part of the nut on the pedal. "Ah, SHIT!" I yelled as I wiped the beading sweat from my brow. I deduced the thread was seized, so I sprayed some WD40 on the threads and waited anxiously for a half hour as the daylight burned away....
I tried again, this time on a different orientation to the smashed hardened Chrome-Molybdenum steel on my first try. I looked at my hand, which had the reddest & deepest indentation I've ever seen on flesh. No more screwing around. I can get some ice later.
I close my eyes and mustered every last sodium-potassium receptor in my left bicep, deltoid, and lat. I feel the wrench move abruptly.........because I broke the wrench.
Our hero spreads his arms, fists clenched, teeth bared and looks to the sky/ceiling while emitting a primal roar.
I come to consciousness in my car headed toward the nearest bike shop, Erik's in St. Louis Park, to get a pedal wrench and slap down $30. Yes. I paid $30---a satisfying evening at the Herkimer.....for one wrench. This wrench has a slot to grasp the pedal nut, and a long handle. That's it.
I got home and pulled the wrench from it's bag. Which....appeared to have directions on the back.
Huh....the left pedal has a reverse thread.
Oh.
I had a good ride.
I'll let you borrow mine.
A few weeks ago, I bought some new pedals & cycling shoes(the most expensive shoes I've EVER bought) and was VERY excited to take a ride with them on that very sunny & warm spring day ...
I carefully installed the cleats onto my shoes, and got out my toolset to take the old pedals off my bike. I grabbed my crescent wrench with my muscled arm in the same fashion my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather have been doing for the last 110 years.
I yanked. And yanked on that motherfucker until I rounded off part of the nut on the pedal. "Ah, SHIT!" I yelled as I wiped the beading sweat from my brow. I deduced the thread was seized, so I sprayed some WD40 on the threads and waited anxiously for a half hour as the daylight burned away....
I tried again, this time on a different orientation to the smashed hardened Chrome-Molybdenum steel on my first try. I looked at my hand, which had the reddest & deepest indentation I've ever seen on flesh. No more screwing around. I can get some ice later.
I close my eyes and mustered every last sodium-potassium receptor in my left bicep, deltoid, and lat. I feel the wrench move abruptly.........because I broke the wrench.
Our hero spreads his arms, fists clenched, teeth bared and looks to the sky/ceiling while emitting a primal roar.
I come to consciousness in my car headed toward the nearest bike shop, Erik's in St. Louis Park, to get a pedal wrench and slap down $30. Yes. I paid $30---a satisfying evening at the Herkimer.....for one wrench. This wrench has a slot to grasp the pedal nut, and a long handle. That's it.
I got home and pulled the wrench from it's bag. Which....appeared to have directions on the back.
Huh....the left pedal has a reverse thread.
Oh.
I had a good ride.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
18th
of 46 in my age group, according to the unofficial time sheet I saw.
The official results aren't completely updated yet, but hopefully there were more than 18 in my group who actually crossed the finish line, because my parents said there were a bunch of guys in my group who got into the middle of the lake, panicked, and were pulled out of the water.
I didn't see this happening, but I slammed into/inapropriately poked a ton of people in the murkiness of lake nokomis. Pretty gross, really, my goggles gave me visibility up to about 6 inches past my fingertips. I suppose I would've started panicking if I swallowed water like they were.
update: 18th of 55.
The official results aren't completely updated yet, but hopefully there were more than 18 in my group who actually crossed the finish line, because my parents said there were a bunch of guys in my group who got into the middle of the lake, panicked, and were pulled out of the water.
I didn't see this happening, but I slammed into/inapropriately poked a ton of people in the murkiness of lake nokomis. Pretty gross, really, my goggles gave me visibility up to about 6 inches past my fingertips. I suppose I would've started panicking if I swallowed water like they were.
update: 18th of 55.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Bike Crash
So for anyone who cares to know my goings-ons, I'm participating in this Triathlon.
Anyway, I'm out training on my silly-expensive-racer bike after a swim (2 days til the event). Now I'm usually a meticulously cautious person, but tonight I was fearless, and kinda reckless. But not Wreck-less. (buh - dum - pssshhhhh)
I started out my ride by pulling onto a 4 lane street, right in front of a very large 70's cadillac, subconsciously assuming that the driver was paying attention and would pull into the other lane. Nope. He was on my ass within a few seconds, but he swerved past me on his way.
I get onto the bike trail, where there are no cars, and I start shooting gaps in top gear between rollerbladers and not-as-cool-as-me-bicyclists while tucked way down on my handlebars.
Now I'm on my way home, and I see the traffic light is blinking red, meaning everyone stops like a 4-way stop. There are two cars stopped: some lady taking a left turn on the right, and a dude in an Orange VW bug on the left. Again, I make one of those split second decisions---I'm fucking going! The lady hesitates in the middle of the intersection, thinking Mr. Bug has right of way as I fly past her.
I don't think she saw me until I flew past her bumper. The dude in the bug yells, "you got balls of steel" OK. maybe that's just what I heard. What came from his mouth was probably way different. But it's my story, and that's how it will go down in history, ok?
Ok. Where did I crash?
In the middle of my ride on the trail. Thoroughly aware that there is a sharp turn leading onto railroad crossing ahead of me, I hit the brakes at the last second. My back tire locks up, whipping out to the side, so I have to ease up on it---which means I'm not slowing down anymore, and I'm now aimed away from the railroad crossing---and am careering (not careening) to the railROAD.
Somehow my reflexes tell me to jump off the bike & lay it on it's side. The front tire hits the rail, and I land in the grass -- perfect dismount, stick the landing, wave to the judges.. o fuck o fuck o fuck...nevermind. The bike is fine. What?
I think to myself and wonder where I got the reflexes to pull that off, being that I haven't owned a bike for about 7 years. Not kidding. I remember back to the farm at age 9 riding my little BMX as fast as I can, locking the brakes and stopping sideways on the lawn, and my grandpa irate because I ripped up the lawn.
Ha. Who'da known that would be handy 16 years later? I'll hafta counter his "what the hell are you doing?" next time I see him.
I don't know what was wrong with me tonight, but I think there's a good reason my everyday cautiousness is written into my genetic code.
Anyway, I'm out training on my silly-expensive-racer bike after a swim (2 days til the event). Now I'm usually a meticulously cautious person, but tonight I was fearless, and kinda reckless. But not Wreck-less. (buh - dum - pssshhhhh)
I started out my ride by pulling onto a 4 lane street, right in front of a very large 70's cadillac, subconsciously assuming that the driver was paying attention and would pull into the other lane. Nope. He was on my ass within a few seconds, but he swerved past me on his way.
I get onto the bike trail, where there are no cars, and I start shooting gaps in top gear between rollerbladers and not-as-cool-as-me-bicyclists while tucked way down on my handlebars.
Now I'm on my way home, and I see the traffic light is blinking red, meaning everyone stops like a 4-way stop. There are two cars stopped: some lady taking a left turn on the right, and a dude in an Orange VW bug on the left. Again, I make one of those split second decisions---I'm fucking going! The lady hesitates in the middle of the intersection, thinking Mr. Bug has right of way as I fly past her.
I don't think she saw me until I flew past her bumper. The dude in the bug yells, "you got balls of steel" OK. maybe that's just what I heard. What came from his mouth was probably way different. But it's my story, and that's how it will go down in history, ok?
Ok. Where did I crash?
In the middle of my ride on the trail. Thoroughly aware that there is a sharp turn leading onto railroad crossing ahead of me, I hit the brakes at the last second. My back tire locks up, whipping out to the side, so I have to ease up on it---which means I'm not slowing down anymore, and I'm now aimed away from the railroad crossing---and am careering (not careening) to the railROAD.
Somehow my reflexes tell me to jump off the bike & lay it on it's side. The front tire hits the rail, and I land in the grass -- perfect dismount, stick the landing, wave to the judges.. o fuck o fuck o fuck...nevermind. The bike is fine. What?
I think to myself and wonder where I got the reflexes to pull that off, being that I haven't owned a bike for about 7 years. Not kidding. I remember back to the farm at age 9 riding my little BMX as fast as I can, locking the brakes and stopping sideways on the lawn, and my grandpa irate because I ripped up the lawn.
Ha. Who'da known that would be handy 16 years later? I'll hafta counter his "what the hell are you doing?" next time I see him.
I don't know what was wrong with me tonight, but I think there's a good reason my everyday cautiousness is written into my genetic code.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Oh, I am so Pissed
So. Again I'm shaking my fist to the sky. I'm actually making the above "irritated smiley" right now.
Isn't it supposed to go "April Showers bring May flowers?" Someone forgot to send "Mother Minnesota Nature" the memo. But so far, it's been "April sunshine brings snow(yes snow) and persistant rain in May perfectly timed to piss off Andrew."
I bought this sooped-up-racing-bike for the Triathlon I'm competing in this July. I actually purchased it last week, but it took a week for the bike-hippies at Boko Bikes to put it together, so I finally picked it up on Sunday. I was wildly hung over on Sunday, so I didn't dare take it out. And then it rained anyways.
It rained yesterday.
I went to the gym today, swam a frikkin' mile without stopping, planning on hittin' the street after most cars were off the road to take my newest form of transportation on it's virgin voyage. I got home, changed into my biking gear, whipped out my bike, and got in the elevator.
I get to the bottom and a pretty girl was waiting to go up. She smiles, and tells me that its raining. I didn't believe her--what does she know? I carted my bike to the front door of my apartment.
God I hate rain. Send it to North Dakota.
Isn't it supposed to go "April Showers bring May flowers?" Someone forgot to send "Mother Minnesota Nature" the memo. But so far, it's been "April sunshine brings snow(yes snow) and persistant rain in May perfectly timed to piss off Andrew."
I bought this sooped-up-racing-bike for the Triathlon I'm competing in this July. I actually purchased it last week, but it took a week for the bike-hippies at Boko Bikes to put it together, so I finally picked it up on Sunday. I was wildly hung over on Sunday, so I didn't dare take it out. And then it rained anyways.
It rained yesterday.
I went to the gym today, swam a frikkin' mile without stopping, planning on hittin' the street after most cars were off the road to take my newest form of transportation on it's virgin voyage. I got home, changed into my biking gear, whipped out my bike, and got in the elevator.
I get to the bottom and a pretty girl was waiting to go up. She smiles, and tells me that its raining. I didn't believe her--what does she know? I carted my bike to the front door of my apartment.
God I hate rain. Send it to North Dakota.
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